Raymond's Journal

Life as a Medic

2010-07-16T22:28:00.009+08:00

Life as a Medic

Friday, 16 July 2010

It has been really long since I last blogged. Life in Tengah Air Base medical centre really sucks. It sucks to be posted to a 24 hours medical centre. I have to wake up in the middle of the night to serve idiotic patients during my duties. I can never get a good night sleep when I'm on duty. We were taught to be compassionate towards our patients but how? They report sick at 3am for stupid reasons and abuse the 24 hour medical centres which are on standby for emergencies after office hours. Why can't these people be a little more understanding and considerate?

The worse thing is we have to work another 8 hours after our 24 hour duty without any duty rest. Working 32 hours straight is really ridiculous. I rather sleep in a muddy trench dug by myself in the forest than to serve inconsiderate people at 3am. People always say that once you are posted to a medical centre, you are guaranteed an easy life. Really? I shall not go on to answer this question. I give up on complaining already, I just wanna finish serving my national service and move on with life.

I realised something. True friends are hard to find nowadays. People are always making use of each other. When they need you, they will call you brother/sister but when they don't need you, they wouldn't even bother to talk to you. Now that I'm serving the nation and I would hardly have time for my friends. I started losing many of them cause some of them just simply don't need me anymore. Even people who used to be my best friends are drifting further and further from me. Maybe it's my fault that I didn't put in enough effort to contact them often but when you are constantly busy and exhausted, it's really difficult.

Fortunately, I still have my family to help me tide over this difficult period of my life. I'm still learning to cherish them even more. National service has really made me realise the importance of kinship. I used to put friendship as my priority in life, I think it was really stupid. Friends can forsake you whenever they want to but only your family members will stay with you throughout everything. I'm so glad that I realise this early. :)

Signing off

Raymond Lee

WHY?!

2010-03-28T18:49:00.004+08:00

WHY?!

Sunday, 28th March 2010

Alright, I'm now a full pledged combat medic. Yeah... I'm a combat medic but why am I posted to a medical centre? Seriously I have no idea what the people at the manpower side are thinking. I can't believe that they can assign a PES A combat fit personnel to man the medical centre when he should be in the frontline treating his wounded brothers. Okay that makes a male nurse in a SAF clinic. Great isn't it? Fuck! I seriously wonder how am I going to survive the next 500 days of my life in that fucked up gay place.

Look at what national service has done to me. I lost contact with some of my good friends and I hardly have time to meet up with my close friends. I'm becoming more and more uncivilised (vulgar). I lost the little bit of self confidence and pride which I had gained during my poly days. I thought national service is supposed to help me grow stronger and mold me into a better person? Why are all these happening?! Can someone answer me?! I hate my life and I hope things are going to improve or else I'm so gonna kill myself!

Why is this world is so unfair? Seriously I'm so sick of reading and hearing about people cheating on their girlfriend or wife. If you bastards want to fool around, you might as well stay single and you can fool around all you want without hurting anyone in the process. Give people who are really looking for a serious and long lasting relationship a chance! Cause nowdays good girls are always attached to some scumbags and I don't know why. I'm so disappointed that one of my good friend is one of them. I sincerely hope that he'll change for the better and grow up.

Okay I shall stop whinning cause life still goes on. It has only been 1 week and I'm missing my platoon and bunk mates in SMTI already! Let me post some pictures of my passing out parade which none of my loved ones attended cause I'm so not proud to be a medic. That's why I didn't invite anyone of them to witness the parade.

Life in SMTI

2010-02-05T20:29:00.003+08:00

Life in SMTI

5 February 2010

Long time no blog. This is my first entry in year 2010. I really have alot of things to share but I don't think anyone will be interested to read it. I have learned alot of things in the past 7 weeks. I'm about to complete my medic course. I still don't know whether I'll be able to make it through but at least I have two certs in the bag already. I'm proud to announce that I'm already a qualifed person to perform CPR and also a certified AED provider. YEAH!! I'm sure it'll come in handy in years to come.

Life in SAF Medical Training Instiute(SMTI) is boring and monotonous. It took me quite awhile to adapt to life in there. One simple reason why I could not adapt to life in SMTI, that reason is I hate science, lectures and to be a medic but I don't have a freaking choice. I have to attend many many lectures and countless practical lessons every week. There will be like one or two tests every week and I almost forgot to mention about the needle poking sessions. I really cannot take it anymore but I still have to. Sigh. I'm tasked to save other people then who's gonna save me?! Someone please save me! I don't wanna be a medic!

Okay I shall stop whinning cause it's not gonna help. Life still goes on. I shall just bear with it and try my best to complete the course and get the level 2 paramedic certificate. At least I know that I'm not wasting my time currently. I gain new knowledge everyday and these knowledge could be applied next time in my life.

SEEK, SAVE, SERVE! SO THEY MAY LIVE!

Signing off
Raymond

My Army Vocation

2009-12-18T16:11:00.010+08:00

My Army Vocation

Friday 18 December 2009

Yeah! I'm no longer a Recruit anymore, just passed out of my basic military training on December 9. I have been posted to Medical Training Institute at Nee Soon Camp as a Combat Medic. Which means my rank will remain as Private for quite some time. Oh well, I don't know what kind of shit will I go through for months to come. One thing for sure is on top of carrying the usual field pack load (15kg), I will still have to carry a stretcher and medical equipments for route marches and outfields. Sigh.

I'm so disappointed in myself because I always hoped I could get into SISPEC and pass out as a 3rd Sergeant but I failed to achieve it. Oh well, what I can do now is to do my best and hopefully I will perform much better this time round. I will learn basic medical and life saving knowledge. I hope it can be useful to me in the near future! I strongly believe I will survive and grow physically and mentally stronger after my 2 years in army.

Congrats to Eric and Samuel for getting into OCS and the rest of my bunk mates for getting into SISPEC! I will always remember Gryphon Platoon 1 Section 2! I will miss every single one of you! Cheers!

Here are some of my POP photos:

Hmmm.. On the second thought, I'm wondering if I should "chao keng"? Cause I really hate my vocation! Path 1 is try my best, chiong all the way and hope that the things that I'm going to learn will be useful. Path 2 is chao keng all the way and down PES to get the hell out of this idiotic vocation! I'll must make a decision soon! Haiz.. Sad life. :(

Signing off
Raymond

Improvements

2009-11-26T01:10:00.005+08:00

Improvements

Thursday, 26 November 2009

I'm so glad that I finally passed my IPPT but I thought I deserved silver for my effort. Just because of a fucked up commander. He made me mount on the bar for like 20 secs, demanding me to straighten my arms when they were already straighten. After that, when he finally allow me to carry on with my chin up. Apparently I did 8 chin ups, he only counted 3. Again cause he claimed that I didn't straighten my arms. What the fuck lah. As a result I had to go on a second attempt, fortunately I managed to do 6 chin ups to pass the IPPT.

I must say I have improved quite alot over the past few weeks. My 2.4km run timing improved drastically. From 11.17 mins to 10 mins flat which is my personal best. I guess I should give myself a pat on the back. I'm starting to gain back some of my self confidence which I have lost. To the people who always encourage and support me. I have not failed you. Thanks guys! I will not stop improving! This blog entry is dedicated to you guys! Cheers!

PS: Boring boring. Other than army stuff, I don't have anything else to blog about. Sorry people. I feel that I'm starting to lose touch with reality. Save me anyone?! :(

Signing off
Raymond

Confidence

2009-11-15T10:13:00.002+08:00

Confidence

Sunday 15 November 2009

I'm beginning to lose that little self confidence that I have gained during my poly days. Cause I was always considered one of the better students in class. I could do good presentation and was one of the very few who got an A for FYP. All these things boosted my confidence in myself.

Now. Back to square one. I'm a guy with no confidence in his capabilities and abilities again. I feel so useless. Why other people can be so successful while I'm always a burden to them. I worked really hard and yes I see some improvements but it's not enough. I'm still lagging behind others.

I guess that lack of confidence and hesitation has made me become a weak soldier. I don't want to be a weak soldier anymore. I'm not giving up just yet. I will still work hard. I will be successful. Watch me! Fuck you bastards who look down on me. I will fuckin prove you people wrong! Thanks to those who encouraged and consoled me, especially my section mates! THANKS!

Good news:

I already met the minimum requirements to graduate from Basic Military Training!
Passing Out Parade -> 9 December 2009 :)

Signing off
Raymond

Do you know how much I'm missing you?
Do you know how miserable I feel whenever I think of you?
I love you.

Life in Tekong

2009-10-17T13:04:00.006+08:00

Life in Tekong

Sunday 17 October 2009

Hey everyone! I'm finally back in Singapore mainland. For the past 9 days, I have been training very hard in Pulau Tekong. Seriously speaking, the training is freaking tough, our schedule is like damn packed. However, I really enjoyed my first week in Tekong. It is tough yet fun at the same time. My bunkmates are a fun bunch of people to hang out with. People of different personality coming together complementing each other's weakness. Coy Gryphon Section 2 rocks! Another thing, I fired my first 6 live rounds and 5 of them hit the target board. No words can describe how I felt when I was holding the rifle. SHIOK!!!

Before I enlist, I did something really stupid. For the first time in my life, I actually went into a florist shop and bought a potted posy for someone really special to me. As expected, the reaction to it was bad. To be frank, I really regret doing that. I ruined the friendship for the second time because of my own stupidity. I guess there's nothing I can do to salvage it? I can only hope for the best. I'm sorry Shirleen. Forgive me. :(

For now, I just want to do well and be one of the best soldier. I will work hard. Low Rope, Jacob's ladder and Chin up, I will overcome you!

The day before I enlist, I took this picture with my PINK IC! I miss you so much!

Signing off
Raymond

Last Entry?

2009-08-10T14:10:00.004+08:00

Last Entry?

Monday 10 August 2009

I really don't have the heart to keep my blog alive anymore. This could well be my last entry. (or maybe not?) I'm not gonna close down this blog though, it contains most of my memories for the past 3 years.

What I'm gonna write in the next paragraph will not make any sense to most people. So actually no point reading it, it's just for myself. Goodbye to the handful of readers of my blog! I might have the motivation blog again when I'm army! TAKE CARE! :D

I'm just hoping you will be reading this Miss Wong (Workaholic).

What's done is done.
What I've already said cannot be taken back.
I really regret saying those things to you.
I'm someone who doesn't know how to express myself.
Actually it was the first time in my entire I've said this sort of things to a girl.
I just hope you will forgive me for saying those things in such a stupid way.

What I want to say is... I really cherish our friendship more than anything else.
I don't want to lose such a good friend like you just like this.
As long as I'm still in a position to care for you
And
As long as you are happy,
Nothing else matters.

But, I really don't know how to approach you.
Although I have not been contacting for the past 3 weeks.
I just want to let you know that I still care for you.

Signing off
Raymond

My 21st Birthday

2009-06-19T20:34:00.011+08:00

My 21st Birthday

Friday 19 June 2009

Time really flies man. I'm officially an adult. I feel so old already. Celebrated my birthday last saturday on the 13th. I'm so glad that most of my close friends remembered my birthday! Even though, I haven't been contacting them often. At least, I know that I'm not forgotten and they love me. =x

Early in the morning went to James house to have breakfast. James was the chef. I love the scramble eggs and sausages! Thank you James and Jamie!

After breakfast, went to escape with James, Jamie and Mohsen for the first time in my entire life. Could you believe it? The haunted mansion was lame but GO KART was awesome! Hahaha! Super fun! Okay, I embarassed myself embarrassed in front of quite alot of people by ramming onto the "wall". Nevertheless, I felt it was money well spent for me. :D

In the evening, I met up with WeiLiang, Rayson, Caspar and Nicholas at Marina Square. We went to Glutton's Bay for dinner. Wootz! We ordered satay, chicken wings, carrot cake, BBQ stingray and Sambal Kang Kong! Thank you so much for the treat WeiLiang! Right after dinner, we went to Game Haven @ Clarke Quay to play DotA. Weelee came to met up with us too. Had lots of fun that day. Love you guys! Thank you!! Argh shit, forgot to take pictures with them! :(

The next day (14th June) was great as well! I'm too lazy to type out the details, I shall let the photos tell the story. Hahaha!!

HAHAHA!!! I just want to say thank you to James, Jamie, Jamie's parents, Jared, Nicole and Adam for everything! No words can describe how much appreciate what you guys have done for me on my 21st birthday.I can only say thanks, thanks and thanks!

On the actual day (my birthday) which was 15th June. Met up with Serene at BP Plaza. Sat down at starbucks and chit chat. Although we live very near each other but we have never came out to have a drink and chit chat. I think we should do that more often. She passed me my birthday card and gift! Thank you so much Serene!

At night, I had a shock! WeiLiang came to my house with a cake after his work and driving lesson. I was so damn surprised! I could see from his face, he was tired but still made the effort to buy a cake to celebrate for me! After, the "cut cake ceremony", he sat down to have dinner with mummy and I. I really really appreciate it bro. I love you!! :)

I had a memorable and enjoyable 21st birthday. Thank you everyone including those who sent me your wishes. Special Thanks to WeiLiang, James, Jamie and Serene! I love you guys!

Signing off
Raymond

English Champion 08/09

2009-05-20T19:02:00.003+08:00

English Champion 08/09

Wednesday, 20th May 2009

Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
As the reds go marching up up up!

Just like the busby days and days gone by,
We’ll keep the red flags flying high,
Your gonna see us all from far and wide,
Your gonna hear the Mans that sing with pride.

United, Man united,
We’re the boys in red and we're on our way to Wemberly!

Wemberly, Wemberly,
We're the famous Man united and we're going to Wemberly,
Wemberly, Wemberly,
We're the famous Man united and we're going to Wemberly

In ’77 in the stockham team,
Back in December '83,
And everyone will no just who we are,
They'll be singing que sera sera

United, Man united,
We’re the boys in red and we're on our way to Wemberly!

Wemberly, Wemberly,
We're the famous Man united and we're going to Wemberly,
Wemberly, Wemberly,
We're the famous Man united and we're going to Wemberly

Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
As the reds go marching up up up!

Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
As the reds go marching up up up!

Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
Glory glory Man united,
As the reds go marching up up up!

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Manchester United is the newly crowned English Champion.
It's their 3rd consecutive premier league title.
What an achievement!
It would be wonderful if they could wrap up the season with a 2nd consecutive UEFA Champions League trophy.
I'm so looking forward to the UEFA Champions League Final on 28th May - Manchester United vs FC Barcelona!
If United manage to win it again, they will be the first ever team in history to retain the title.
The whole freaking Man Utd squad would become living legends!
I'm so excited! Come on Red Devils, you can do it!

Signing off
Raymond

Tough Luck

2009-05-12T00:54:00.004+08:00

Tough Luck

Tuesday 12 May 2009

Sigh. I saw a guy holding her hand at PS on saturday night. He's her boyfriend, I assume. Okay, not surprising at all. I just feel so stupid. Why am I even thinking of courting someone I don't even know? I seriously don't have a clue. No matter how many times I asked myself this same question, I will still end up with the same conclusion which is I don't know.

I really couldn't believe that I had the thought drinking alcohol that day. People who knows me well enough will know that I hate alcohol the most. I actually gulped almost one full bottle of Bacardi Breeze down my throat without even hesitating. It really tasted like plain water. I don't understand why.

Why am I always in this kind of situation? Why am I always getting false hopes. Just when I thought that I will never ever see her in my life again. I saw her working at a retail shop in PS 2 weeks ago. Then when I was about to make my first move, I had to see this.

Oh well, I guess it's better to know earlier than to find out later. It's just a silly crush anyway. I will get over it very soon. Why history have to repeat itself again. The only reason why I'm upset is it reminded me of how I got my heart broken the previous time. It has came back to haunt me. It took me almost 2 years to recover from that wound. ARGH! Okay, I shall not continue. @#@#%^$&!!!!

Self consolation: That proves that I have good taste. LOL! =P

Signing off
Raymond

Jobless Again

2009-03-26T13:14:00.010+08:00

Jobless Again

Thursday 26th March 2009

Long time no blog. I've been busy working for the past one and a half month or so. I was working as a cashier in Cold Storage at Great World City. I had to work insanely long hours almost everyday. Imagine yourself standing at least TEN hours everyday. Well, not everyday cause I did had one and only off day per week. I just resigned on sunday. The cashiering job was really tough but wouldn't army life be even tougher? I'm such a weakling and I hate myself for that. -_-"

I'm officially jobless again. I really really need to get a new job soon cause Mum's company will be closing down on 19th April. She will soon be jobless too. Frankly speaking, I'm very worried. She's now the sole breadwinner of our family. I reallly want to share her burden but I'm just too useless. I shouldn't have resigned. What's done cannot be undone. The only thing I could do now is to find a job quickly. Hopefully before 19th April. This time I must not give up easily.

15 March 2009 - It was the 100th day since dad left us. It was an emotional day. We went to Choa Chu Kang Cemetry to pay our respects and hired a taoist priest perform some rituals. This time I was strong enough to hold back my tears but deep inside, I really do miss him badly. I kept telling myself, he has gone to a place where he won't have to worry about anything. Now that the 100 days "mourning period" has passed, I'm free to celebrate birthdays and festivals again! Honestly, I hate to reject birthday party invitations. To me, it's like the worse thing to do to a friend. Sorry to my friends who invited me to their birthday celebration and I rejected. At the same time, I'm also glad that I'm still remembered. :)

Well, at least I've acheived something I'm really proud of. I believe Dad would be proud of me too. I made it into Academic Roll of Honour in my last semester in RP. On top of that I've got an A for my FYP II. All my hard work paid off. I've never been so proud of myself before. This is like the one and only achievement I have in my entire life. I must work harder to achieve more!

I shall blog again next time. Nothing much for me to blog about anyways. READERS, IF YOU HAVE ANY JOB OPENING PLEASE INFORM ME. Thanks!! :)

One last thing, once a Red Devil fan always a Red Devil fan. I have 100% confidence that Man Utd will win the BPL Title for the 3rd consecutive season and the "Quintuple Miracle is not impossible!! Glory Glory Man Utd!!

Signing Off
Raymond

Change

2009-02-03T14:54:00.002+08:00

Change

Tuesday 3rd February 2009

Finally, I have completed my 3 years course in RP. [YAY]

I miss you Miss Traffic Light!! Opps!! I still don't know her name. DAMN!! [LOL!]

I spent the whole damn chinese new year at home. [Great..]

I just went for army medical screening. I'm in PES A. [Fuck!]

I really need a job badly. I don't wanna rot at home anymore. It's freakin boring!! [HELP!]

I realise that I have changed. I'm no longer the same person I used to be. I'm a more "family oriented" kinda person now. I always hide in my shell like a hermit crab. I'm beginning to feel detached from the outside world. Some people who used to be so supportive of me are drifting away from me. I kept telling myself, it doesn't matter. My mum and my lil brother are the only ones I need. I can't seem to find a balance.... I don't know what to do and I don't who I can talk to.

Why am I feeling like this? God knows.... I just want to be happy again!! Oh well, yet another emo entry.. At least I didn't use words like cry or tears unlike somebody. So gay LOL! =x

Signing off
Raymond

My Future

2009-01-15T22:00:00.007+08:00

My Future

Thursday 15 January 2009

Long time no blog. I was too freaking busy to blog over the past few weeks cause of FYP and many other stuff. Since I'm so free now, I shall update my blog!

Time really flies, Dad has already left us for 43 days now. I'm feeling alot better emotionally now. I'm no longer sad and guilty. I guess I'm starting to move on with life now. I would really like to thank James and Ram. They are the only people who will never failed to make me smile. During this difficult period, many people who were close to me in the past are starting to disappear from my life. Only they stood by me all the while and cheer me up and help me get over this difficult period. I'm really really grateful to them! You guys will always be my best brothers from another mother! Thanks!! If you guys are reading this, please acknowledge! :P

Over the past two weeks, I've been chiong-ing my FYP. My teammates and I stayed back late almost every school day. I just completed my FYP II yesterday. Finally, FYP is over and I don't have to worry about it anymore. No more staying back late in school! Hooray!! I've already did my very best and I could graduate with no regrets!! However, I know that it would be hard to maintain the grade I've gotten last semester cause of fucked up assessors. I'm blaming it on luck cause I already did my very best.

Now that FYP is over. I will be graduating from RP really really soon. The economy is so bad right now. I doubt I could find a decent paid job with good prospect. Another bad news is, my mother's company is going to close down their Singapore branch. My mother would need to go Cambodia and work. SIGH. I really cannot imagine life without mummy by my side. I really cannot bear to let her go to such a faraway place. I'm gonna try my very best to get into Singapore Police Force (SPF). I guess it would solve all problems cause the pay SPF is gonna give me would be sufficent to support my family. Then my mum would not need to go to Cambodia to work. I hope for the best now.

Papa yao bao you wo men.

Signing off
Raymond

Life will never be the same again

2008-12-17T01:14:00.003+08:00

Life will never be the same again

Tuesday 16 December 2008

It has been 2 weeks. I really miss my dad. I wonder where he is now and what is he doing?

Enjoying himself at paradise?
Suffering in hell? (I hope not. PLEASE NO!! I'm willing to take his place.)
Roaming around aimlessly?
Just beside me guarding me?
Reincarnated?

I don't know and I'll never find out. No matter what I do it's impossible to bring him back to life. What is left are only memories of him. There are alot of things I wanna tell him but how? I don't know....

Sometimes, I ask myself, "Why do I have to go through all these?" Yes, the best answer would be retribution. I'm punished for being such a unfilial child. I'm punished for what I've done to him when he was alive.

I wish I could say sorry to you.
I wish I could hear you say "I forgive you."
I wish I could see you sitting on the sofa smiling happily in front of the television.
I wish I could hear you nagging at me again.
I wish I could quarrel with you again.

Wake up....
I had my chances to reconcile with him but I didn't take them.
End of story.
Accept it and move on with life.
Suffer with this sense of guilty for the rest of my pathetic life and get tortured in hell after death.
This should be enough to make up for whatever I've done.
If not banish me in hell forever....

I'm Sorry Daddy.
I miss you alot.
I love you.
I will be strong.
I will fulfill my promises and take good care of mum and di di.

Where is everyone when I need them? Nevermind, I deserve to take all these punishments all by myself.

Signing off
Raymond

I Love You Dad

2008-12-08T22:30:00.002+08:00

I Love You Dad

Monday 8 December 2008

I’ve just suffered the greatest blow of my entire life so far. My dad just passed away without a word on Wednesday midnight. The reason of his death was weird. He passed away because the blood vessels leading to his heart were clogged. Eventually his heart stopped beating and he passed away rather silently at my grandmother’s place.

My relatives had neither my mum’s nor my phone number. Our house phone line was cut off a few months ago. The heard of the news almost one hour after my dad slipped into coma. My aunt came all the way to my place to inform us about it. We were stunned and shocked. We hurried to NUH.

When we reached NUH, the doctor told us the situation and told us to prepare for the worse and went right back to rescue my dad. While waiting for the doctor to come back, the feeling was terrible. I simply didn’t know how to react to it; I just sat at one corner and I kept telling myself he will be alright. I must be filial to him after he recovered.

However, 15 minutes later, the doctor came back and told us that he has already tried his best and he declared that my dad is dead. The fuckin idiotic thing is the doctor didn’t know why his heart stopped beating all of a sudden. He didn’t have any history of heart related problem.

Surprisingly enough, I didn’t cry straight after hearing what the doctor said. While my relatives burst into tears. I was in a daze and memories of my dad flooded my mind. I couldn’t accept it at all and I kept telling myself it’s not true. The doctor is lying. My relatives kept telling me that I’ve just lost my father and I must be obedient and filial to my mother. Finally, I started crying out loud cause I really couldn’t take it anymore.

The cause of his death was not known and the doctor told us that he will need to send my dad to SGH mortuary to do an autopsy to investigate the cause of his death to make sure that the cause of his death is natural. Sigh. How sad is it? Even after death, he will need to go through all these. We had to fuckin wait at SGH for almost 10 hours before we could claim his body for his funeral.

No words can describe how I feel now and felt for the past few days at his wake. The best word to describe it would be agony or guilt. I’m very guilty cause I hadn’t been a good son to him. He worked so damn hard for us and we didn’t know how to appreciate and cherish him when he was alive.

I really regret what I’ve done and I can do nothing about it. Now.. I need to be strong cause I don’t want my mum and brother to worry about me. Now I’m the head of the family, I have to be the pillar of my family.

Daddy, I will be obedient and filial to Mummy.
I will take care of didi and lead him back to the right path.
I will take care of ah ma.
I will take good care off myself.
Don’t worry about me.
I love you!
I will never forget you.
You always be the best father on Earth in my heart!
Rest in peace Daddy.

Signing off
Raymond

Rare Update

2008-11-23T23:55:00.011+08:00

Rare Update

Sunday 23rd November 2008

I feel like blogging but I don't know what to blog about.
Why?
Cause lately my life is simply too boring and so uninteresting.
Haven't been blogging much simply because I've got nothing worth remembering or interesting.
I hope I could find more people who can brighten up my life.
It's so dull and monotonous right now.
=(

Perhaps I'll blog about some good news first :

Good News #1

I passed my Napfa. Yay? Hmm. How come I don't seem to feel happy about it?
I don't wish to say cause it was just shameful!
I'm gonna retake it again on January with James and Ram.
I swear I must do better this time.

Good News #2

A very big breakthrough for my FYP.
Managed to solve the big big problems and now we are only left with the small problems to deal with.
We can do it!
But the thing is we are a little behind schedule.
I need to sacrifice more of my free time for FYP.

Good News #3

I think I'm starting to move on with life.
I'm no longer thinking of her all the time.
I'm ready to fall in love with somebody else.
I think I have a crush on someone I don't even know!
LOL! I know that sounds very stupid!
but at least I'm happier this way.
The past 2 years were HELL.
Now I feel that I'm back to EARTH.
When can I rise to HEAVEN again?
Maybe the day I know her name and know her as my friend?
That would be my happiest day of my life I guess?
Hope that I could to see her at the TRAFFIC LIGHT outside the sch everyday!
LOL! Lame. =x

Okay. I think that's all. I've got nothing else to update. Crappy life. I need to break out of this kinda lifestyle really soon! Staying home for the whole weekend? Omg! Well done man -.-

PS : passerby.J, may I have your email address or blog address please! I would really like to be friends with you and chat with you! Please? Telling me your initials only make feel even more curious to know who you are! =(

Signing off
Raymond

Training

2008-11-15T11:25:00.004+08:00

Training

Saturday 15 November 2008

Gosh.. My Napfa test is coming (19 Nov). I have to admit that I'm not ready for it yet. Actually I'm not particularly worried about most the stations and 2.4km. The only station that I have difficulty passing would be pull up. Okay, I have not been training pull up since 3 years ago when I was in Secondary 5 until very recently. Which was the start of this month.

I really wish I could pass. I hope for a miracle. Currently, I can only do at max 4. I need to do 5 to pass. Hope that I would be mentally and physically strong enough on the test day to pass. I believe I can do it. If I pass my Napfa, I think I will have a higher chance to get into the police force. In my interview I could at least say I'm physically fit enough for the job. The training would be bearable for me.

Played soccer on thursday in the school sport complex. It was great. After not playing for like 2 months or so. I really miss playing soccer everyday like I used to in my secondary school days. Although I didn't play as well as I used to but I think I played well. Managed to score 2 good goals.

Players from my old team all found their own teams already. I think it's really time for me to move on and find a team for myself. So that I could play frequently and improve. Soccer has always been my passion. I want to continue playing until I could not play anymore. In recent years, this burning passion of mine seems to have diminished quite a bit. After thursday, I've decided to start all over again and ignite this passion once again.

Any teams willing to accept me? I will more than happy to join! =D

Signing off
Raymond

I'll never understand

2008-10-21T00:32:00.007+08:00

I'll never understand

Tuesday 20 October 2008

There's something he'll never understand.

When he's down and needs someone to talk to.

He finds that he has nobody who is willing to listen to him.

When his good buddies are down and need someone to talk to, he always tries to be there for them.

Sometimes when he's really down and tries to talk to his good buddies.

All he get is a one sentence/word reply or show signs of "please stop complaining".

WHY?!

Enlighten me about this.

Blogger is the only place where he could release all his fustration.

FUCK!!

How I wish I could find a "clone" of myself. Female version please!!

Silly!!

The craziest thing I've done lately is eating raw/pure wasabi which only costs 60 cents.

Why?? Cause it was Mohsen's 21st birthday wish!

Urgh!!

Fuckin hell. It sucks to the core.

Oh well.. At least better than tasting pure liquor I guess. =)

Signing off
Raymond

Programming Sucks

2008-09-27T14:37:00.004+08:00

Programming Sucks

Saturday 27th September 2008

Long long time no blog. Didn't have anything interesting to blog about. Life has been damn boring lately. My first few weeks of my last semester as a polytechnic student sucks! Some fucked up facilitators I have this semester. I still need to endure another 12 weeks! I really really feel like giving up but I know that I can't. FYP is the most fucked up!! I know nuts about programming and seriously it's killing me! Anyone good in Microsoft Access or SQL help me pls?! I really need help or else I'm gonna fail so badly for my FYP 2. :(

Alright other than school. I've got practically nothing to update. Damn. I've not been exercising for like 3 months already. What the fuck. I really can't believe that I've become so damn lazy. I'm playing soccer later! Yays! Okay I've got nothing else to blog about. I'll stop here. :(

Signing off
Raymond

Lots of Fun

2008-09-01T16:37:00.012+08:00

Lots of Fun

Monday 1st September 2008

Awww. My 3 weeks school holiday is ending very very soon. Sigh. Okay, I already know my new class and classmates. I have a feeling that next semester which will be starting in 2 days time could be the worst ever in my whole of 3 years in RP. My intuition has never failed me. I hope I'm wrong this time.

I don't feel like blogging about work cause I don't want people to read and then after that ask me to edit my post again. I could only say I find working at the Cafe more bearable now. Don't know why but it has given me some sense of satisfaction. Just find the supervisor cum shareholder of that particular Cafe fucked up but his attitude has changed for the better. Not a lot though.

Went for a outdoor movie screening on saturday!! Haha.. It was something very new for me. I was late that day all because of the fuckin bus. People who knows me well enough, I'm punctual most of the time. Didn't know how to get Fort Canning Park. Took cab from Plaza Singapura. Seriously, WHAT THE F?? It costs $8.50 to travel from Plaza Singapura to Fort Canning Park which is only 300 metres away. Now that I know how to walk there, I won't have to take cab there anymore.

Okay when I reached the entrance to the movie screening area, I saw this long queue which I heard was about 400 metres long. Wtf? Haha.. Luckily James, Jamie, Melvin and Gail were already in the queue very near to the entrance. We were given a Topshop/Topman goodie bag with free pop corn, free bottle of coke, discount vouchers and a picnic mat in it. Cool yea? Before movie screening, there was some lame cat walking and dance competition. HAHA!! Lame but entertaining though. After the competitions, there was a lucky draw. None of us won of course. I mean yes of course there were some winners but not us.

Then the movie screening started, I must say it wasn't that great. The organisers screened Make It Happen and My Sassy Girl. The audio was too freaking soft. I couldn't really hear and there weren't any subtitles. Haha.. But I roughly know the storyline. I guess it's not worth the money to watch in the cinema but watching it in at outdoors was a cool experience!! It was very worth the money to experience watching movies outdoors sitting on a picnic mat!! It could have been alot alot better if I have a girlfriend on that day itself!!

WeiLiang and I went Cineleisure to sing k at Kbox yesterday!! It was so damn fun!! It was only my 6th time I've been to a KTV lounge. I must say I'm beginning to get addicted to singing.. Haha.. We sang all the way from 3pm to 7pm. Haha!! Btw!! The mango freeze they serve at Kbox rocks!! WOOO!!! Shiok~!! We had lots of fun, we made fun of some songs and sang till we could hardly speak at the end of it. HAHAHA!!! 4 hours of madness!! I guess that's the only place where people could see the crazy side of me. WeiLiang agree???

After singing, it was already 7pm plus. Time for dinner. We were damn sick of fast food and Pastamania!! So we headed all the way from Cine to Esplanade for dinner. We went to the roadside stalls just beside Esplanade. We travelled all the way from Cine to Esplanade by foot!! Fit huh??

While we were walking to Esplanade, we talked about a lot of things. We even talked about our future and what are going to study in future. WeiLiang always say that he cannot study cause he has no interest in studying. I beg to differ. I told him, he should find something he is interested to study about then he can do well.

I managed to give some constructive advice to him which he could accept. Hope that he will seriously consider what I've said last night. It's for the better good of his future. Didn't really talk much about my future though. I only said I want to study either psychology or crime psychology.

Our dinner was heavenly especially the carrot cake, satays and chicken wings but the hokkien mee wasn't that great!!Err.. Speaking of hokkien mee, I really miss the hokkien at Serangoon Garden!! HAHA!!! =x

After dinner we went home. It was the best day of the entire holiday I must say!! I think we should do this more often yea WeiLiang?? I shall stop here!! Time for dinner!!

Signing off
Raymond

Adriel?

2008-08-25T01:53:00.005+08:00

Adriel?

Sunday 24th August 2008

Hmm.. Someone saw my blog post regarding my working experience at the Cafe I'm working in. He/she is not happy about what I've posted previously. Cause he/she is a shareholder of the Cafe. What I've written might affect the Cafe's reputation. If I'm not wrong that someone I've mentioned is Adriel right? I'm sorry but I feel that I've done nothing wrong at all.

Seriously, what's your freaking problem? Don't I have the freedom to write what I want to say? I believe I've not broken any law by writing those comments right? So can you please stop bugging my friend Hu Wei Liang please!! If you don't want people to write negative stuff about your 'wonderful' franchise. Then do something okay? I believe you don't have the right to stop people from saying negative comments about your cafe.

The only reason why I agreed to delete my comments regarding my working experience at the Cafe is because I don't want you to bug my friend. I'm responsible for it. Come and look for me, if you are not happy. Thank you very much. Feel free to fire me if you are still not happy. I hope you are reading this. :)

Signing off
Raymond

Conflict

2008-08-21T01:52:00.003+08:00

Conflict

Wednesday 20 August 2008

Just came home from a mixed class 3D2N chalet this afternoon. It's really not worth mentioning. The most suckiest chalet ever for me. But I really do appreciate Timothy for putting in so much effort and spending so much money out of his own pocket to make it a better one. It could have been a great chalet. However, when we have mixed class chalet that means we are gonna see many cliques within the 17 people who went. When there is a decision conflict between 2 cliques and 2 cliques refused to compromise. HA!! Everyone should know what will happen.

Lesson learned : Never organize any MIXED CLASS chalet.

I'm starting to turn back into my old self. The anti social and highly introverted guy. One day when I'm really used to being lonely again like I used to be. I guess It would be difficult for me to break out of that shell again. Now I realised, it's not bad being an anti social person afterall. I used to be happy all by myself. I'll just need tune my thinking back then I will no longer feel lonely!

One day I will tell the world, "I'm not afraid to walk this world alone!!"

Signing off
Raymond

Untitled

2008-08-17T20:07:00.007+08:00

Untitled

Sunday 17 August 2008

I just feel that there's no point being so loyal to most of my friends. I don't know why but I just think that most of the time, I treat my friends better than I treat myself. I always sacrifice myself to help,support and accompany them but they will never reciprocate. I'm always the one sacrificing.

Someone can call you brother brother brother BUT How brotherly are they to you? Ever question yourself that? I'm just a substitute to them when they couldn't get people to accompany them.

Ha... I know I'm a failure in terms of being a good friend of many people whatsoever. I don't care anymore. All I get is disappointment after disappointment.

Don't make empty promises

and

Don't say :

I'll always be here to listen to you.
or
You can count of me for anything.

If you are UNSURE of whether can you FULFILL it.

To be fair, it's true that sometimes they do fulfill their promises. Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Some people thinks that promises are meant to be kept and some others thinks that promises are meant to be broken. Okay I've got no right make them think the same way I do.

There are times they just don't give a fuck about their promises to you. At the end of the day, they could forsake you for something else better?

I'm sick of being in school alone.
I'm sick of caring for people who doesn't cherish me.
I'm sick of helping people who doesn't deserve my help.
I'm sick of accompanying people who just takes me as a substitute.

Maybe it's unfair to say all those shit I've mentioned above. BUT! Has anyone put themselves in my shoes? I guess only people with very few friends like me will understand. Maybe it's my fault for expecting so much from all my friends/buddies/brothers. I'll just give them all the benefit of a doubt. I'm writing down all my unhappiness and frustration down here once and for all just in case they don't know what I'm thinking.

I know I have a problem expressing myself. I can express myself better in words.

I might not be entirely right but don't I have the right to misunderstand from all your actions? Okay just take this as a rubbish post if you think that I'm entirely wrong. If I'm not entirely right, feel free to correct me. I know I'm also very wrong to expect people to recipocrate. I shouldn't be so calculative. It doesn't work this way. Somebody has to sacrifice. I don't mind being the one sacrificing but I'm asking myself is it worth sacrificing myself for some people?

Okay. Many could tell me that, afterall I'm just their friend. What do I expect from them? This is just another idiotic post full of complains and whining. Weird me. Haha.. I'll just try my very best to make more friends.

Don't think many people will be reading this idiotic post though. Blog is my only place to release all these frustration and unhappiness.

I guess I shall give more of my love, care and concern for my friends to my mother and grandma instead! They are the people who really really loves me unconditionally! Thanks mummy and ah ma!! :)

Signing off
Raymond

Holiday

2008-08-16T12:35:00.016+08:00

Holiday

Saturday 16 August 2008

My first semester of my year 3 in rp just ended. One last semester to go but I really don't look forward to it. Cause my last semester in rp is gonna be the worse ever. I don't wanna learn VB programming, study codes and read Microsoft Access bible which is more than 500 pages thick!! Oh well. I've got no choice. Haha. I want to graduate!! :P

The last few weeks before the semester ended totally sucked to the core. I'm always alone in sch without anyone to accompany me to go to school and eat breakfast. Sigh. Can anyone imagine how does it feel to be alone all the time? Maybe I'm wrong to be too dependent on a few friends. Cause I know they don't even give a damn about me. No point being so loyal to people who doesn't care. I don't know why, I just felt betrayed. Crazy fella, wad am I thinking?! Oh well. I shall try make more friends in school. :(

Before the semester ends on wednesday. I took some photos with my classmates. Haha. Not alot though. Cause my class was like not bonded at all. Nobody organized any class outing or gathering.

Just watched Money No Enough 2 and Journey To The Centre Of The Earth. Haha. 2 nice movies!! Money No Enough 2 was great!! Good storyline and it's damn funny and touching. I actually felt like crying while watching the show!! Sigh. I still haven't watch Dark Knight. I shall just watch it online. -.-

Okay. Enough whining and blogging. I'll stop here. Going to work soon. :(

Signing off
Raymond

Completion of FYP 1

2008-08-09T16:17:00.008+08:00

Completion of FYP 1

Saturday 9 August 2008

Today is Singapore's birthday!! Happy birthday Singapore!!

I'm finally done with FYP 1!! Hmm.. FINALLY!! Our team's presentation was okay. The assessors even said "IMPRESSIVE" at the end of the presentation. I wasn't able to answer one question, I tried to answer but in the end I couldn't. I had no choice but to tell the assessors that I'm not sure. Hope that it wouldn't affect our grades. The idiot who didn't do anything much for FYP talked alot of crap during presentation!! We were so fuckin pissed!! Was he trying to steal away our credit or limelight?

After presentation, Nazirah, Richelle and I went Causeway Point's Pizza Hut to celebrate the completion of FYP 1. Haha.. We ordered the group set for 4 people but there were only 3 of us!! Haha.. Our stomachs were bloated cause we had to eat the extra portion. The feeling was damn shiok!! Btw we ordered a very cute ice cream mouse.. HAHA!!

Celebrated Frankie's 20th birthday. Met Frankie, Freddy, Wei Liang, Weelee and Wee Yong at plaza. Wei Liang bought Frankie a peppermint cake. Haha. Cheap but nice yea? After cake eating, went to Bukit Timah to play pool.

It was damn fun!! Haha.. Thanks to everyone especially Wei Liang, I've improved quite a bit in pool!! Haha.. After pool-ing, it was around 1.30 am. Took cab home. Hope that Frankie enjoyed his day!!

Alright I'll stop here ^^

Signing off
Raymond

Nostalgia

2008-08-03T13:12:00.003+08:00

Nostalgia

Sunday 3rd August 2008

Yesterday was the worse day so far this year. I thought that I've finally moved on with life but I found out that I was wrong. Very wrong. No matter how badly she treats me, I just feel that I deserved it all. I don't blame her, I have only myself to blame.

How do I expect her to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself? I was the one who decided to MIA from her for one whole year. When she did took the initiative to talk to me online, I took her for granted. Sometimes when I saw her, I chose to pretend not to see her. All these things I've done was unforgivable I guess. I shall not find any excuses to make myself feel better. It was all my fuckin fault.

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this but I just can't help it. Oh well, I shall stop thinking about all these unhappy stuff and focus on doing what I have to do.

Signing off
Raymond

FYP 1

2008-07-31T20:57:00.003+08:00

FYP 1

Thursday 31 July 2008

Finally, we're almost done with FYP 1! We've done with the report and poster. Now we're left with only presentation! I'll make sure I do sufficient research on every aspect of our project to answer any possible questions posed by the assessors. I think I know the topic quite well and I believe we'll do fine in the presentation. I hope.

I managed to find out who will be our assessors in advance! Haha.. Our assessors aren't too scary I guess. Thank god!

Sigh... My best brother is in hospital again. The wound on his operated knee is still swelling and bleeding. Things aren't looking too good. He might have to go for another operation. Sigh... Worried sick. Hope that everything will be fine. Wish you 'speedy recovery' bro!

Recently, I've spent alot alot of money on my friends. In July alone, I've spent more than $300!! Hmm.. I guess it's time to save up and buy stuff to pamper myself.

My Shopping List

New Jeans x 1
New T-Shirts x 3
New Bag x 1
New Pair Of Shoes x 1

It has been a long time since I blog so often. Two days in a row. Hahaha... I shall end here! (:

Signing off
Raymond

Screwed Up Plan

2008-07-31T00:46:00.015+08:00

Screwed Up Plan

Wednesday 30 July 2008

ARGH!! I really suck at planning events. Everytime I plan something, it will not work out and everything will go very wrong. WTH! The most fucked up is, I can do nothing about it cause people will bastard me or back out at the very last min. It sucks lah. I don't have the confidence to take up the responsibility of planning anything anymore.
Anyways most importantly James enjoyed his birthday celebration which was on the 26th. It could have been better if I could rent him a car on his birthday! It could have happened but the fucked up car owner told mi that he couldn't rent me the car at the last min. Oh well, I tried my best to find other car rental companies already. There's nothing much I could do.

I'm glad that my decision to lunch at Sakura buffet restaurant wasn't wrong! The food they serve there was damn nice. I like the dim sum, chicken chop, duck meat and ice cream very very much! I ate alot alot. Haha.. I will definitely go back there again!

After lunch, Ram, James and I went to watch X file - I want to believe movie. The movie sucks to the core. Grrrrr!! What a fuckin waste of money. Damn boring show. But I think I still have to give them some credit for their hard work. Filming such a movie isn't easy at all! The storyline sucks that's all. The rest are quite okay. I would say.

After movie, went to play lan. Fuckin boring lah! E-2max at Cine doesn't have Bnet. Wtf.. The 3 of us played some stupid games to kill time. Wad a waste of money man. Ram went home after lan.

Went to Prime Society restaurant with Jamie, James, Melvin, Gail, Mike and Melvin's brother for dinner. Haha. Met Karen there, she was working on that day. Didn't know that she's working in such high class restaurant. I bet she must be earning like more than 7 bucks per hour. Everything they sell in the restaurant was fuckin expensive. 1 glass of mineral water cost SGD $6?! Madness. But the ambience, food, customer service and everything were great! Worth the money at least. The sirloin was heavenly. Haha.

OH YA!! Something fuckin funny I wish to share. The candles on James' durian birthday cake was unblowable! HAHA!! Melvin played a prank on him. He bought him the unblowable candles which will lit up again seconds after they've been blown out. HAHA!! James took like 5 mins to blow out the candles!! Maybe I should buy that for someone's birthday. The durian cake was fuckin nice! WOOO!!

I'm fuckin broke now!! Haha.. I can't believe I spent over $140 just on that day. Record breaking day yea!

Okay. I shall end here. Nights!

Signing off
Raymond

Disappointed

2008-07-21T00:03:00.003+08:00

Disappointed

Sunday 20 July 2008

Sigh. I'm very disappointed. The end product turned out to be a shit thing. Although I haven't seen the completed film yet but judging from what the crew said, it is that bad. It wasn't my project but I committed 2 months into it. Of course I feel sad and disappointed. Just when I thought I've accomplished something good in life then that happened. It's really nobody's fault or should I say everybody's fault? Argh fuck it. Like what Ram said, let bygones be bygones. No point crying over spilt milk. I'll just take it as a very good learning experience. At the very least, I picked up some technical terms that people in that area of expertise use. I gained alot other stuff out of it. Haha. I made a few new friends too! I shall stay positive! :)

Countdown : 6 more days!

Signing off
Raymond

It's Finally Over

2008-07-13T09:42:00.003+08:00

It's Finally Over

Sunday 13 July 2008

For the past 2 months, I've sacrificed my weekends and all my free time to help my good buddy James in his filming project. Okay, now filming has finally come to an end!! Wooo!! I have more time for myself and for my other friends.. It was quite a fun experience.. I didn't know that I could act until I really tried..

However it's very stressful sometimes. Especially when we have to race with time. A good example would be if we are filming a daytime scene, we gotta finish everything before the sky gets dark. That's the time when everyone gets very stressed out. I tried my best not to NG but somehow I NG more because I wasn't in the best state of mind. I began to stutter alot and forget my lines. Irritating!!

And if GOD decided to go against you, that's the most pekcek thing! The finest example would be I woke up at 3am in the fuckin morning to film a very early morning scene. It began to rain like hell. The rain only stopped at 7am which was considered too late to film that scene. I woke up so fuckin early and wasted money for cab fare for nothing!

The worse of all was someone incapable and irresponsible was directing me. This director is a total failure in my opinion. I know the script and story better than the freaking director?! Don't you think that it's fuckin shameful? The director's incompetence was the most intolerable, I expected the director to be someone very decisive and professional. Apparrently, it didn't turn out to be that way. When I thought that my acting was fake, he said that it's a good take? What the fuck? He is by far the worse of the worse director and person I've ever met in my life. I was feeling unwell and still made the effort to turn up for filming. At the end of filming, the director being the only person with a car didn't even offer to send me home. (PS : I don't get anything at the end of all these. I don't get paid for this.) Thanks alot man "Mr Director". I hope that you will be reading this!

Okay I dun wanna blog about filming anymore.

Another good news I guess.. I think I've finally moved on with life. Somebody else is starting to replace her place in my heart. The bad thing is the wrong girl is replacing her. This new girl I just met is very nice and cute. She has the power to put a very true smile on my face everytime she does something really cute. I know that getting together with her is totally impossible. I'm in a state of confusion right now. My heart seems to be conflicting with my logic.

When I saw this girl with another guy, I started to feel sour and all. She occupied my thoughts every night before I sleep. Sometimes, she appears in my dreams. Sigh. Why these kinda fucked up thing always happen to me. Life suck to the core lah!!

Oh.. I went to MOS (for the first time in my life) for an advanced birthday celebration with James, Jamie, Esmond and Jamie's friends. Haha. It was quite fun I guess but could have been better if I know basic dance steps. I guess the $15 I paid was worthwhile? I experienced some of the the regular clubbers don't. POLICE RAID!! Hahaha.. Omfg. I must say it spoilt the day lah. Anyways!! Happy Birthday in advance Jamie!~! :D

I'll stop here for this post.

Signing off
Raymond

My 20th Birthday

2008-06-21T16:33:00.003+08:00

My 20th Birthday

Saturday 21 June 2008

I know it's abit late but I really had no time to blog about my 20th birthday. I must say my 20th birthday was by far the best ever! I received a lot more gifts and birthday wishes compared to the previous 19 years.

Celebrated my birthday with a few groups of my friends!

At 15 June 12 midnight, I was with WeiLiang, WeiLiang's sis and Rayson. We were at the movie theatre watching Kungfu Panda! Haha. Although on that day, it was my second time watching it. It's still very very entertaining. We laughed a lot and I guess they enjoyed it as well. Believe it or not, that was the first time I celebrated my birthday with WeiLiang! We know each other for 8 years alrdy! We have been the bestest of brothers for like 2 years? I was really happy I could finally celebrate my birthday with my best brother! Thank you WeiLiang, Starry and Rayson for spending time with me on the 12 midnight of my birthday!

After that I celebrated my birthday with James and Jamie. We went to J8 to watch another movie. Chronicles Of Narnia : Prince Caspia. We smuggled subway and sushi into the cinema but we were late. When I just got in, I couldn't understand what was happening on the screen. Plus there were 2 noisy kids with stupid parents affecting my mood. As a result, I didnt really enjoy the movie. Oh yea! They bought me 3 birthday gifts. They named it Part I, Part II and Part III. Haha.

Part I = Shades
Part II = Ralph Lauren Shirt
Part III = Hugo Boss cologne

Woah!! I bet they spent a lot of money on it. One thing that really touched me was the trouble they took to get those gifts. Jamie didn't get to buy her dress because of me. Thank you very very much Jamie and James! No words can describe how much I appreciate it. I will cherish them (my gifts) and I shall buy you two big big gifts for your birthdays! It's a promise! =)

At around evening time, James and I went to a steakhouse restaurant to meet James' parents for dinner. The beef steak there was so heavenly lah! Oh ya, it was father's day on that day too. I wished uncle happy father's day and he wished me happy birthday. Haha. That's so cool man. I would like to thank James' parents for buying me that heavenly meal! I guess they won't be reading though. Thank you Uncle and Auntie! I also would like to thank Jamie's parents for giving me such a big ang bao!! Thank you!!

Okay, here comes the shitty part. Haha. Ever since my 18th birthday, alcohol has never been left out on my freakin birthday. Anybody who knows me well will know that I hate the taste of alcohol. LOL! I was made to drink 2 glasses of Heinekken while waiting for Ram. Thank you James. =.=" I felt like shit for the rest of my birthday. I broke the tradition of not puking on my birthday. The only reason was I want to digest the heavenly steak I ate earlier. I would be a freakin waste to puke it all out!

When I felt better, James and I went prawning. Okay, it sounds gay but that's because Ram couldn't make it. It was supposed to be a 3 man thingy! We went ahead with our plans and from we went all the way to Pasir Ris to prawn. The bus journey was the worse ever bus ride lah! I shall not explain why.

Oh great, when we reach the fish farm. It was freakin closed? LOL! That was fuckin stupid of us. The place was damn ulu lah. We were afraid to meet any wild dog or ghost there. Trust me, it was really damn freaky. Luckily I wasn' t really that sober to realise it at that point of time. We left the place and navigated our way back to Pasir Ris interchange which was around 3 to 4km away? It took us 1 hr 30 mins to reach the interchange. After which we found another prawning place.

We stayed at the prawning pond for like 2 hours and only caught 9 prawns?! 26 bucks for 9 prawns was fuckin expensive lah! Of course not the usual prawns lah, bigger ones! I guess it was the process that matters. I had fun for the first hour of prawning. As for the second hour, it totally sucks lah. I guess the prawn were already sleeping. After prawning it already like 5am in the morning, went to James house to cook the prawns. And finally, I could go home and rest at 10am.

I guess it was the Heinekken fault. I had fever and I spent the whole freakin day sleeping at home. Btw it was the first day of school. I was so sick that I couldn't turn up for a post birthday celebration organised by Wilson, Chye, Serene and Sarah. I'm so so sorry people. Anyways, thanks for the present and birthday card! I love them a lot a lot!! Thank you Wilson, Chye, Serene and Sarah!!

A few days after my birthday, had another post birthday celebration with Timothy, Winnie, Karen, Sebastian,Delia and Timothy's FYP teammates. We went all the way to upper thomson from school to eat dim sum and icekimo ice cream! It was raining like don't know what lah. The thunder and lightning on that day was scary. So loud and I could always see the lightning flash near us. Thank you everyone for buying me that brownie with a candle on it! I hope that my wish will come true!!

In short, I just would like to thank everyone who celebrated my 20th birthday with me and of course I won't forget those who wished me happy birthday! Thanks alot alot!!

Signing off
Raymond

A Whole New Experience

2008-06-13T01:02:00.003+08:00

A Whole New Experience

Friday 13 June 2008

Woots! For the past one week or so, I didn't had enough sleep everyday. Finally, I could take a well deserved break! Haha. I was helping my good buddy James to act in his film for FYP. I'm the main actor in this short film, AlphaFemale. In my opinion, he must be crazy to ask people without any experience in acting to be his main cast of the film. Everything didn't go smoothly since day 1 or should I say the first freaking hour? Some insane guy planned to finish filming in 2 days?! I tell you what. That's almost impossible.

Even though I don't have any experience in this area and I'm camera shy. I guess I've done quite well, I'm satisfied with my own performance. I used to stutter and stammer in front of the camera. This time I could remember long lines and say them fluently. However, I still can't really portray certain emotions which are required for certain lines or situations in the film. Even if I could, I guess I didn't do it perfectly.

I would say it's quite fun and meaningful. I made a couple of new friends too! Now, we are only halfway done? Or should I say one-quarter done? There's still a long long way to completion. Hopefully, everything would turn out well and after that I could fully concentrate on my own FYP.

2 more days to my 20th birthday. Sigh. I'm so old already! :(

I really hope this year's birthday would be better than the previous two. Haha.

Cheers :D

Signing off
Raymond

Question Marks

2008-06-03T01:22:00.003+08:00

Question Marks

Monday 2nd June 2008

There are many things I really wish to tell her but I really don't have the courage to say. I guess it has been almost 1 year since I last talked to her. Hmm.. 10 months to be exact. I remember that day was 2nd August 2007 which was her birthday. On that day, when I met her one to one. The feeling was unbelievable, for once in my life I really had the urge to hug her tightly. It lasted for like two minutes. I would say it was the most incredible two minutes in my life so far. Since then, we haven't been talking to each other.

The only reason why I had that much courage to meet her one to one was I wanted to fulfill my promise to her. However, I wasn't brave enough to say what I really wished to say. Oh yes, I did fulfill my promise but so what? I guess that was the last promise to her and without that kind of motivation, I don't think I will have that kind of courage to talk to her again.

How I wish I could turn the clock back to time when I could see her almost everyday
How I wish I could freeze that moment (2nd Aug 2007)
How I wish I had the courage to say everything I wanted to say

For the past 10 months, I wake up every morning blaming myself for being such a coward. Every night before I go to bed, I spend some time repenting on my mistakes I've made. Sometimes I see her in my dreams/nightmares. I'm feeling miserable!

A big BUT

Even if I did say what I was supposed to say, would it change anything?

Yes?

At least, I will be able to move on with life much easier? My friend told me, the reason why I find it so difficult to forget her is because of regret. Really?

No?

Given my stubborn personality, I might still not move on. Trust me cause I had previous experience of this in the past which took me 4 years to overcome. Silly idiot.

I'm thankful that she still acknowledge me as someone she knows. =D

One day, all these question marks will mean nothing to me. I'm waiting for this day to arrive! Will tomorrow be the day?

Signing off
Raymond

Glory Glory United

2008-05-22T16:41:00.011+08:00

Glory Glory United

Thursday 22 May 2008

Long time no blog!! Haha. I shall dedicate the whole of this entry to United's triumph in the UEFA Champions League Final.

Man Utd, a football club I've been supporting since the age of 10 has won another European's most prestigious competition last night!!! I'm so damn HAPPY!! HAHA!! I know many could argue that Lady Luck was on Man Utd's side but in my opinion, they deserved that little bit of luck. Why? Just compare Chelsea and Man Utd's road to Moscow. Throughout the whole competition, Lady Luck had always been at Chelsea side until the Final. The element of luck in football is just something beyond anyone's control. In short I'm trying to say, you have to give credit to United for beating Barcelona (the strongest attacking side in Europe)!

*Salutes* Ryan Giggs for breaking Bobby Charlton's United appearance record on this very very special day!! It was a wonderful season for our veteran midfielder/winger!!

All United fans who are reading my blog! Let's celebrate!! WOOO!! Glory Glory Man Utd!! We are the Champions of Europe and Champions of England!!

Signing off
Raymond

My 3rd Year In RP

2008-04-27T11:20:00.003+08:00

My 3rd Year In RP

Sunday 27 April 2008

Life has been very stressful ever since school started earlier this month. It's only the end of 3rd going to be the 4th week of semester 1 and I really feel like quitting school. All the modules are alright, it's just that all my facilitators this sem really suck. Sometimes I don't get what I deserved and the class is simply just too competitive. When you have many smart people in your class, you are supposed to feel less stress cause they could share a huge part of your workload. But the thing is when you are in the same team or class with them, it just makes you look inferior as compared to them. As a result, you get suckie grades, even though you worked really hard but all you get is at most a B. If I'm not careful, I might even end up with a C grade at the end of the day.

FYP is even more irritating. I really have no idea what has my diploma got to do with programming. If all engineers know how to do programming. I tell you, all the IT dudes are gonna go out of job. Now we have to study a stupid Mircosoft Access bible as well as ISO. How am I going to survive all these? I really have no idea.

Maybe I'm complaining too much but nothing has gone the way I wanted it go. Now we just look forward to graduation day. I wanna realise my dream as an elite from the police force. My future looks so bleak right now. What the fuck can I do with a stupid RP diploma cert? All choices has it's consequences, I made the wrong choice of entering RP and I'll have to suffer the consequences in future. The only way I could get out of this shit is to get a fuckin 3.8 GPA. It looks rather impossible now. I need another 0.3 to reach that target. Which means I'll have to get 3.9 for this sem and next sem. Possible? NO?

REGRETS REGRETS

Signing off
Raymond

Birthday Party Turned Sour

2008-04-20T18:55:00.005+08:00

Birthday Party Turned Sour

Sunday 20 April 2008

Who told me that birthday is the best day to confess your love? That's so not true. I witnessed it with my own eyes last night. Though I'm directly involved in this kinda shit but I guess I'm partly responsible for it. I don't know what to say and what to do to make this bestest brother of mine to feel better. Maybe I should just fuckin mind my own business. A useless piece of crap like me can do nothing good. NOTHING AT ALL!

When he wasn't in the right state of mind, I didn't have the nerves of steel to prevent everything from going wrong. Yea, I'm responsible for all your misery on your fuckin 20th birthday. I spoilt the whole fuckin day. There's nothing I could do to reverse the damage done. What I need to tell myself from now on is to fuckin mind my own business and stop meddling with other people's business. Fuck it! Bad Bad Day! I'm sorry bro.

That's why I should choose to walk this world alone. One day, I might be able to tell the world that "I'm not afraid to walk this world ALONE!"

Love is like a double-edged sword - One side soft and sweet. The other hard and sour.

Signing off
Raymond

March Update

2008-03-26T17:59:00.002+08:00

March Update

Wednesday 26 March 2008

First post of this month which is ending really soon.. Haha.. I think I've wasted the whole holiday doing nothing!! School is starting soon.. Hurray!! Recently, I've been visiting pubs very often.. Too often I guess.. The most funny thing is I went to pub not to drink alcohol but GREEN TEA instead!! LOL!! Frankly speaking, I don't like that kinda places at all.. I can practically do nothing there and I might get into trouble easily in those kinda places.. Witnessed a fight at boat quay at around 6am.. Woah, it was a pretty scary experience.. Fuckin hell.. Most probably I won't be going to these places anymore..

I took up a map surveying job for streetdirectory.com.. Seriously, this job is far worse than tele surveying.. I was handed 2 maps of bukit panjang which is my area.. At first I thought it would be easy.. But I was very very wrong.. I managed to complete the 2 maps within 6 days.. I went to submit the maps but they got rejected.. Not only once but 3 times.. Seriously wtf? We are students and we are not even trained to do this kinda map surveying professionally.. Wad they expect from us?? Screw you people and fuckin give me my cheque pls!! I swear I will never take up any job which has no basic pay anymore..

I just learned how to play a new poker game which is Texas Hold'em.. It's quite complicated.. Until now after 1 week, I'm still not really familiar with some aspects of the game.. But it's really very addictive.. Haha.. I could spend a few hours playing this game online on facebook and friendster.. It rocks!!

Cheers
Raymond

A Meaningless Vacation

2008-02-27T00:34:00.010+08:00

A Meaningless Vacation

Wednesday 27 February 2008

Sigh.. I find that this 10 week holiday very very meaningless for me.. I've got nothing much to do.. The first 2 weeks of the holidays was okay.. I had lots of activities and fun things to do.. But it has really gotten very boring now..

I spent the first few weeks of my holiday doing new year shopping.. Went to alot of places for shopping!! It was really fun.. Haha.. The 2nd week of the holidays was chinese new year.. I would say this year's CNY was alot better compared to my previous 18 CNYs.. I gambled abit and learnt how to play mahjong.. I only won a very small sum of money cause I'm just too risk adverse?? If I had played bigger, I think I would have won more than 10 bucks.. I went to kbox on the 2nd day of lunar new year!! I must say it was the best day of the entire holiday!!

From the start of the 3rd week of holidays, it has became really boring.. The only fun thing that I could remember was E45R's BBQ.. Although not many went but it was quite fun.. Especially towards the end of the day.. We played truth or dare.. Haha.. I was forced to do something really damn gay.. Zzzz.. I was force to touch somebody else's dick for 5 secs!! WTF?! HAHA

I was offered a 2 days job by recruit express (an employment agency).. I took up the challenge and tried working as a tele surveyor!! Seriously, it was the worse job I've ever gotten?? Normally, when you are working.. You only get scolded when you do something wrong.. As for this 'wonderful' job, you get scolded almost every few minutes.. When you don't do your work, you get scolded by your supervisor.. When you are doing your work, you get scolded by the person you are surveying.. Zzzz.. Rubbish job.. Never ever work as a tele marketer or tele surveyor.. It sucks!!

Some people asked me why am I a fan of Jolin Tsai [蔡依林].. When they asked me this question, they would ask is it because of her boobs?? Seriously, it fuckin pisses me off.. For your info, I've been supporting her ever since 2003 after she lauched her 看我72变 album!! I think she didn't have big boobs at that point of time right?! Come on lah, don't be so shallow please.. Only see things on the outside.. In my opinion, true fans love should love everything about their idol.. I like everything about Jolin, her voice, her talent and the way she dance not ONLY because of her boobs.. Damn it!! But one thing I loved most about her was her innocence.. I guess she has lost the innocent side of herself.. Sigh.. Although I'm not her hardcore fan but please respect her.. T_T

Now I'm jobless again.. Sigh.. Time to go for job hunting again.. Fuckin sian lah.. Any kind soul can intro me a nice job?? Thanks?? =[

Signing off
Raymond

Happy CNY 2008

2008-02-04T06:06:00.000+08:00

Happy CNY 2008

Monday 4th February 2008

I'm feeling alot better emotionally now.. I finally managed to break away from the depression state.. Thanks to my friends/buddies who cheered me up!! I guess I was just thinking too much.. I always like to think of the negative side and that's very silly of me.. I'll just try to forget all the unhappy things and treat them as misunderstandings.. I'll be happier this way.. I just hope that I can forget the 'special feeling' I have for her soon.. Just forget the feeling but not the person.. I will take time.. Don't know how long..

A few of my buddies are like trying find me a girlfriend.. Haha.. Wth?? I don't believe in match making.. Thank you very much.. I appreciate it though.. If I can't have someone I truly love, I would rather stay single all the way.. Who would like a quiet,boring and cowardly guy like me anyways?? Haha..

My 11 weeks holiday just started on saturday.. Omfg.. I still haven't get myself a job.. I really don't wish to rot at home for 2 months!! My bank balance is pathetic right now.. I need a job badly!!! Intro jobs to me pls anyone?!

Friday was the last day of school for this semester.. Which means we have got to change class again.. Everytime I think of it, I feel so sick.. Quite sad uh.. We didn't take any class photo for the whole of 16 weeks.. Sigh.. We only took some group/clique photos.. I will miss E45R!! I mean not everyone but some.. Especially, Cheng Long, Wing, Shi Hao, Xiao Lei, Cindy, Joyce, Timothy and Hadif!! Thanks for making the past 16 weeks of my poly life very fulfilling and fun!! =(

Chinese New Year is just around the corner.. I've bought a shirt, a skinny jean and a pair of shoes.. Haha.. Spent around $200 on those.. I'm so broke now!! Grrr~!!! Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!!

Signing Off
Raymond

Foolish Idiot

2008-01-20T18:27:00.000+08:00

Foolish Idiot

Sunday 20 January 2008

Tomorrow would be the start of week 15 of school for this semester.. Time really flies.. Frankly speaking, I'm still not very bonded with my class this semester.. There are lots of politics in class which I don't think is good.. Maybe it's because I'm not trying hard enough?? There are a few people in class which I don't really like.. I don't wish to mention names here.. Fortunately, there are a number of nice and helpful people in class who make my life in school fulfilling and fun.. I'll certainly miss them when we change class next semester..

Was supposed to celebrate Ram's birthday on Friday.. But time after time, he backed out at the very last minute.. Kinda disappointing.. Which means I don't get to sabo him.. Haha.. Nevermind, I'll make him suffer next year!! BALANCE BROUGHT FORWARD!!

Far Worse Than This (The photo)!! Muahahaha!!

We had a mini celebration though.. Skipped school on monday and we went to watch movie Body #19.. Omfg.. I really hate movies with lots of gore and blood.. The storyline became really confusing close to the end.. Well, I have nothing much to say about that movie.. I'll just rate it 2/5.. After watching it, I can't sleep well for 2 days.. Grrr... That sucks.. I kept hallucinating about the fuckin ugly ghost standing behind me.. Wtf.. Luckily, I managed to dispel those thoughts soon enough..

I saw my special someone at the school canteen on thursday.. Hais.. I think she saw me too but pretended not to see me.. I didn't find the courage to say hi and played along by pretending not to see her too.. It hurts, it really hurts.. I felt so moody after that.. I didn't had any mood to do any work in class that day.. I was in a daze when the faci was talking.. I'm so foolish.. I know that I got to forget her in order to move on.. I know It's going to be easier for me if it stays this way.. But I could still feel the pain deep inside when I think of the past..

I don't have the courage to say hi cause I'm afraid I might fall in love with you again.
I don't have the courage to say hi cause I'm afraid I might sink even deeper.
I don't have the courage to say hi cause I know I've let you down. I'm not fit to be your friend.
I don't have the courage to say hi cause you pretended not to see me and I love my pride just too much.

It's all my fault.

But

I never regret falling in love with you.
I sincerely wish that you will stay happy and cheerful.
I'm sorry
I'll always remember you.
=)

[I don't think you will be reading though]

After almost 2 years of waiting and thinking.. I guess this time, I have to admit defeat.. Perish those thoughts which were running through my mind.. Start a new life.. It's easier said than done.. =/

Signing off
Raymond

Christmas & New Year 2007

2008-01-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

Christmas & New Year 2007

Saturday 12 January 2008

I have never celebrated christmas in my entire life before 2007.. Last year was the first time I celebrate christmas.. Well, I must say it wasn't a really well planned one.. I guess I've learned a lot things on that day itself.. Celebrated christmas with James and Jamie.. I went to James' house for christmas dinner with his parents at around 7 pm.. The dinner was damn fattening.. LOL!!

After dinner, I was tricked to the church.. I swear, I was like a stupid idiot in there..I totally didn't know what was going on.. I did something which makes me feel really embarassing and guilty.. I actually held a girl's hand in the very WRONG way.. I held her hands like how her future boyfriend would hold her hand.. With my finger interlocking hers.. RAHHH!! I swear I really didn't know that it wasn't the right way to hold a girl's hand especially when I'm not her boyfriend!! I really don't know how to face her.. I wished I can dig a hole on the ground and bury my head in it at that point of time.. ARGH!! =S

But nevermind, at the very least.. I've learned that Christmas is Jesus Christ birthday which I never knew before then.. And how to hold a girl's hand when you are not her boyfriend/husband..

Celebrated New year's eve with James,Jamie,Melvin and Melvin's gf at siloso beach.. There was a DJ, music and dance event held there on new year's eve.. 2 couples and one single guy which is me.. I enjoyed the music.. But too bad I couldn't dance.. On my way home, I felt so emo.. That always happen when I see blissful couples.. Everyone who went had a dance partner.. And I didn't have..

I asked myself, why can't find a girlfriend.. The answer was I missed the opportunity and I have only myself to blame.. I can't accept any other girls simply because I really cannot get her out of my mind.. I really wish I can move on and give myself a second chance to fight for my happiness.. But I guess, the only one who can make me happy doesn't exist anymore.. She's no longer the same person I used to know.. We are just like strangers now.. I only blame myself for that.. I just hate myself.. Am I devoted, stupid or stubborn?? I don't know..

Signing off
Raymond

NightWalk

2007-12-18T15:33:00.000+08:00

NightWalk

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

I've participated in an event organised by API which stands for Asian Paranormal Investigators.. Actually supernatural/ghost has always been my greatest fear.. In an attempt to overcome this fear of mine, I challenged myself to join this event at Pasir Ris swamp.. Basically I'm just helping out in this night treasure hunt..

I couldn't sleep the night before the event.. Lots of thoughts were running through my mind, I could even visualize an image of a pontianak standing right before me.. I was really scared.. But I knew that I can't back out cause I thought all my good buddies will be going..

Sadly, only James went to the event with me.. Thanks James!! Sorry but to be frank, I'm very disappointed with people who backed out at the very last minute.. If it was somebody else, I wouldn't be so disappointed.. You guys are my good buddies that's why I'm really disappointed.. Do you know?? Just by backing out like that I've lost my credibility?? The API people were expecting you guys to come and had already assigned jobs for you all.. In the end, they have to do it themselves..

Actually, things weren't so bad afterall.. I was still very scared at first but after awhile, I don't find it scary anymore.. The API people planted a few devices around the swamp to scare the participants.. One of which was movable which could be activated by light and noise I guess?? James and I had a lot of fun playing with it.. Haha..

It became damn boring after awhile for us helpers but I think it was really fun for the participants.. I guess the clues were too well hidden, the participants took really long to find out where they are with some help from us.. Everything ended at around 11pm.. I feel alot braver now, I think OCH was even scarier than this.. Haha... I had lots of fun and That's the most important thing!! A day to remember for me!! =)

Signing off
Raymond

Friends Are Meant To Be Used?

2007-12-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Friends Are Meant To Be Used?

Thursday 6 December 2007

Read the title of this post.. Readers, pls tell me wad do u think abt this?? Friends are meant to be used?? To me, I don't think it's true.. Or in another words, BULLSHIT.. Someone said this to me and told me tat it's the truth of life.. He was like trying to psycho or should I say convice me to accept this thinking.. I was like HUH?? Hmm.. Whatever man.. I dun care.. I juz tell myself tat it's better to stay a distance from him.. For a simple reason, I'm afriad tat one day I might be used by him.. If u r reading this.. U know who u r.. No offence.. I'm just expressing my opinion.. I feel tat I've misplaced my trust on you.. Just for ur info, I'm not the only one avoiding u.. Do some soul searching.. Ask urself, y so many pple r avoiding u?? Tats all I want to say..

It has been raining all day recently.. This really suck.. I have free entry tickets to ESCAPE theme park but didn't have a chance to go.. Becoz they won't allow anyone in when it's raining.. The ticket expires tmr.. Haiz.. I guess I just missed my best chance to enter escape theme park for the first time in my life.. =(

Watched 2 movies recently.. 30 days Of Night and Enchanted.. Haha.. 30 days of night was quite okay.. The vampires look like shit or whatever u call it I swear.. I must say the movie is too gory (bloody).. The vampires appear all of a sudden.. They shocked me 3 or 4 times.. I think.. Omg.. Remember to bring a jacket if u intend to watch it.. Coz u will feel really really cold while watching.. U will noe y.. Hahaha... I'll rate it 2.5 out of 5 I guess..

Just watched Enchanted ytd.. It was rather entertaining from the start till the 'almost ending' part.. The ending was kinda touching though.. Quite a lot of music and dance.. Overall I enjoyed it quite a lot.. I'll rate it 4 out of 5.. Couples shld go and watch it.. Haha...

Hmm.. I guess I'm abit late?? The movies r like quite outdated though.. Just in case for those who haven watched them.. Haha..

Finally, I cleared my PP.. I should be able to pass.. As for my current modules.. I've gotten some really lousy grades but something to be happy abt would be I've gotten my 2nd A for UT.. Haha.. I'm clearing my CE soon.. 8 more points to go!! Perservere!!

Signing off
Raymond

Recent Happenings

2007-11-17T11:02:00.000+08:00

Recent Happenings

Sunday 17 November 2007

Time really flies, it's alrdy mid november.. 2008 is coming really soon.. I can say 2007 isn't a good year for me so far.. I'm looking forward to 2008!! During my 1 week holiday, I went for a class BBQ and a Chalet!! Haha.. I had lots of fun, it has been a long time since I had so much fun..

The E45P BBQ was held on the first day of my holiday.. Although not many went, it was really fun though.. Starting the fire was the most sickening thing.. Haha.. But this time not so bad la, took quite a short time to set the charcoal burning.. Maybe it's due to the sea breeze.. I have to say I ate quite alot cause the food was nice.. Especially the satays!! Haha.. Played cards as well.. Haha.. I guess it was the first time I win so much in a day.. Sweet revenge.. Tat was for bullying me when I first learn how to play.. Went home at around 11pm..

Went for W14P 3D2N class chalet, Although only 9 pple came to the chalet but I must say it was one of best chalet.. At least better den the previous one.. Haha.. Cause this time, I went there prepared.. I alrdy noe how to play many card games.. Only 9 pple came to the chalet

We played alot of card games.. Indian poker was really damn fun!! Hahaha.. The forfeit was to drink diluted alcohol.. I think those who knows me well, know tat I can't drink for nuts.. Haha.. Luckily throughout the whole game I nv kena even once.. Haha.. This chalet was really a special one, cause we didn't have BBQ.. We had steamboat instead.. Haha... Tats something new to me..

On the last nite.. Only 4 guys stayed in the chalet.. Glenn,Chye, Wilson and I.. I thought tat it would be really boring.. But it turned out to be really fun.. We played indian poker again.. But this time the forfeit was to true or dare.. Of coz, at tat point of time nobody chose dare.. Coz it was alrdy midnite.. From the game, we found out alot of my friends' very personal stuff and secrets.. Haha... I revealed some of my secrets stuff too.. We played till 4.30 am and after tat went to slp.. Check out the next morning.. Home sweet Home!!

Overall, I feel tat it was really a fun and enjoying holiday.. Hope to have more these class gathering/outings in future.. But I gave up organising alrdy.. I really suck at organising.. Always turn out to be a failure.. -.-"

I'm in high spirits now!! Cause I've gotten my FIRST ever A for UT this semester!! Weeee~~ Bye

Signing off
Raymond

I'm So Dead!

2007-10-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

I'm So Dead!

Sunday 28 October 2007

I'll be taking my O lvl maths paper on monday and I really have zero confidence of even getting a C6.. I'm so dead.. This would be the first time in my life I would walk into an exam hall with totally zero confidence of passing.. If I can pass this exam, it would be pure luck.. Fuck it.. I'll have to retake the fuckin paper again next yr.. Sighs..

One week holiday is coming really soon.. I've got a lot of activities in line this coming holiday!! Firstly it would be BBQ wif E45P peeps.. After that theres W14P class chalet.. Haha.. I'm really looking forward to the coming one week holiday.. I hope that I will not have to go back to sch to present my PP poster during that one week holiday.. Anyway.. I've not started on it coz till now I'm not given the evaluation date!!

Life has been really boring recently.. I wonder why am I always staying at home during weekends!! It's so damn boring... I hate this kind of life.. I need to make more friends and find people to accompany during weekends.. I'm like wasting my youth right now.. Now its the time to play and enjoy myself while I still can.. Hmm.. I'm really considering to take up a part time job so that I don't have to stay at home during weekends.. -.-

Ha.. Another Boring post .. I guess I can stop blogging alrdy.. No interesting stuff to blog about!!

Signing off
Raymond

Empty Promises

2007-10-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

Empty Promises

Wednesday 17 October 2007

I guess all those things that I promised to do r juz lies.. I told myself I muz work hard this semester but I guess I juz can't.. As I've expected, the modules r really difficult.. I think I really can forget abt getting into an University.. I juz have be realistic, I really can't cope with these modules I'm currently taking.. I'm lacking motivation to carry on fighting..

Everything went so wrong for me.. Problems after problems come to me.. Grandma going for operation soon.. Really hope tat she will pull through and stay strong.. Mum injured her arm.. Sighs.. She's in great pain and still have to do housework and go for work.. I'm really worried, wad I can do now is help her in wadever way I can to lighten her workload.. Best buddy injured his knee again.. I couldn nth to help.. He still have to go for intensive army training.. I'm praying hard tat his knee condition will not get any worse..

I'm feeling so sick right now.. Flu and cough really is irritating me.. Medicine causing me to feel drowsy all time.. Stopping me from doing any physical training.. Ahh yes.. All these r juz merely excuses to make feel better yea?? I wanna do well and work towards my goals but why can't I juz do it?? Wads wrong wif me?? Where's the motivation and determination?? Fuck it.. I hate myself.. I wished I could juz die..

Maybe I juz need a break and I'll be able to get back on my feet and start fighting for my goals again..

Signing off
Raymond

The only secret tat I regret keeping is my feelings for you.

Boring Life

2007-09-30T02:28:00.000+08:00

Boring Life

Sunday 30 September 2007

It's gonna be October really soon.. Well, this month seriously sucks.. Damn boring... Absolutely nth tat is interesting happened.. I'm living such a boring life.. Sometimes I wish I can get abit wild and enjoy my life while I still can.. Actually I've got nth to blog abt.. But i'm juz too bored now.. Hopefully this boring entry tat I'm writing can cause me to feel really sleepy..

It's only the second coming to the third week of sch and I really cant take it.. Life in sch sucks especially when u r in the wrong course!! I juz hope to get over and done wif this semester and move on.. Soon I'll have to make choice between supply chain or quality control as my specialization.. I hope I hope I dun make the wrong choice again to make my life in sch even more miserable!! My new class is okay.. But so far haven really make any good friends yet.. Well, it takes longer for a introverted person to make friends..

O levels maths is coming really soon.. Less than 1 month away only!! I still haven get the motivation to practise everyday.. I wonder.. Can I even get a C6?? It's really demoralizing when theres no one there to help me when I really need it.. There r certain things I really cant understand!!

So far in this new semester, I get to see the special someone very often.. I guess I get to see her at least once every sch day bah.. Shes still the only person who can cause my heart to race.. Haha.. There were 2 occasions when we saw each other and we waved and smiled at each other.. Even though its not tat kind of big smile which I long to see.. But I'm alrdy satisfied.. I guess its a good thing tat I could see her from a distance everyday.. I won't miss her tat much.. Haha!! =X
The only weird thing is, I'll nv fail to spot her even in a big crowd of hundreds..

Guess this is one of the best recipe to make pple fall aslp -.-".. I'm feeling damn sleepy after writing this meaningless and boring entry.. I think I shld write this kind of idiotic entries when I cant get to slp!! LOL!!

Signing off
Raymond

Sch Reopens

2007-09-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

Sch Reopens

Monday 17 September 2007

This is one of the most sickening days.. Seriously, it's gonna be sickening.. I'll have to go back to sch in less den 8 hrs time.. New classmates again.. Tat means we have to start all over again and work wif pple whom I dunno.. Get to know them well and be comfortable working with them.. Den, the next thing u noe, its the end of the semester.. Time to change class again.. This vicious cycle goes on and on.. Well, maybe for another 2 more times..

Wads worse is, the things we r gonna learn isn't gonna be easy.. It gets tougher and tougher.. At least tougher than the things we had learnt last sem I guess.. We r gonna deal wif simulations!! Haha.. Omfg..

The good thing is I see some familiar names in my class roster.. Very fortunately.. Okay enuff of complains.. I juz wanna do well this sem and try to pull up my GPA.. I wish to get a decent grade and get into a local university.. It might seem very far fro my reach.. But I will try my very best!! I promise, for the sake of my mum,future wife and kids.. Not forgetting myself!!

Signing off
Raymond

Persevere

2007-09-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

Persevere

Tuesday 11 September 2007

Sch is reopening in less than 1 week time.. I've been post to E45R which is just beside my old class.. Haha.. I see a few familiar names in the class roster which is a good thing.. I hope tat I can get along wif my new classmates well!! But I really wish time could slow down abit, I dun wan sch to reopen so soon.. Hope to do better next sem too..

Finally I can put down one heavy burden down for the time being now.. I've completed my PP report.. I feel alot more relaxed now.. I've sent it to the supervisor last week but he hasn't reply till this minute.. WHAT THE HECK?! Crappy supervisor who doesn't care..

Went jogging wif Liang on Sat.. We took a damn freaky 5km route wif lots of upslopes.. Omg!! I really couldn't take it.. I couldn't complete the whole course, I stopped and walk for a while before completing it.. Sighs.. Took freakin abt 34mins!! I really need alot of training!! I must complete the whole course next time!! Grrrr...

I seldom do any good deeds in my life.. I usually dun donate money to help the least fortunate.. Recently, I've done a good deed by not juz donating but oso help by raising money to help the deaf pple!! Haha.. Maybe I'm a bit stingy to donate more than I could.. But I'm juz a student!! At least I've spent one day of my life meaningfully!! I'm glad tat I could help my friends and the least fortunates!! =D

Update some other time!! =)

Signing off
Raymond

Goodbyes

2007-09-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

Goodbyes

Saturday 1 September 2007

Sighs.. I really hate to say goodbye.. Ram is in US now, he might not come back until he completes his studies over there.. We might not be able to meet each other for 5 years or more.. At least before he left for US, I've met him for one last time.. It was really enjoyable!! James and I planned a farewell dinner session for Ram at Marina Bay..

We had steamboat for dinner!! Although the food there wasn't the best but I really enjoyed my time there with my good buddies.. As usual, Ram was sabo-ed by James.. I wasn't spared too.. Haha.. We were forced to eat more than we could.. Haha.. After dinner, we went the arcade nearby.. We went home after arcade.. When I said goodbye to him, it was really emotional.. Hais..

Went for a 3 days 2 nights chalet.. I guess it was the best chalet out of the previous 3 chalet I've been to.. I really didnt slp much at the chalet.. Spent most of my time there enjoying myself and playing as much as I could.. The BBQ session was damn fun.. Although I felt so uncomfortable wif my sweaty clothes, sticky body and the smoke from the BBQ pit.. It was something to remember.. I spent most of them cooking instead of eating.. Haha..

Lots of interesting things happened when we were BBQ-ing.. There was Li Mei running away from cats.. Penny chasing away the cats wif a mop.. Cun Lai standing outside the windows watching TV acting like ghost.. Ji Qing singing to the cats and using the mop as guitar.. LOL!! Damn funny!!

Although I dun really share a strong wif my E45P classmates but I will really miss them alot!! Goodbye Ram and E45P mates!! Hope to see u guys soon!! =(

Signing off
Raymond

Torturous

2007-08-20T22:15:00.000+08:00

Torturous

Monday 20 August 2007

Woah!! Time really flies, holidays r coming really soon!! Haha.. I'm still working hard on my fitness and weight losing.. Hmm.. It has been 1 week since I started exercising and training.. I guess I've made dramatic improvement.. My fitness level went up by abit.. I didnt expect to hit my 5km in 20mins so quickly!! I'm super happy abt that!! Next, I shall run 6km and so on.. However, the fats didnt seem to go off any bit.. Sighs.. Offer me some tips to burn off my tummy fats man!!

Its near the end of the semester.. The weird thing is I'm neither excited nor emotional abt changing class.. Maybe I'm alrdy used to this fucked up RP policy.. I dun look forward to this holiday.. Damn stress la.. Alot alot of things to do.. Sighs.. I wish to organise a class gathering for ex-W24P!! Hope tat they will support me..

Something is troubling alot too.. Whenever I think of it, I'll hate myself very much.. I've been keeping something in my heart for 1 year 2 months and 12 days.. Its damn tiring to carry this freakin burden for so long!! I wish I could juz confess and heck care.. I've got nth to lose and why am I still be hesitating?! But god damn it!! I juz cant do it!! For some god damn reason.. Wo ai ni, izzit so difficult to say?! Idiotic coward, Raymond Lee!! Better off dead la!!

Next goal, 6km in 25mins and re-ignite my passion for soccer which I used to have pls!!

Signing off
Raymond

My Goals

2007-08-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

My Goals

Sunday 12 August 2007

Wooo!! Sch holidays are approaching really soon.. 12 more days to sch holidays!! Haha.. I really dunno whether its a good or bad thing.. This coming holiday would be a busy one.. Dun think I will have much time to relax and rest.. I've got 2 more tests to go only then I can fully concentrate on my O level Maths and PP project.. I aim to get at least a B4 for my O level maths!! Really hope tat I can do it!!

I've put on alot of weight since I haven exercise for a damn long period of time.. I can feel tat my fitness level has gone down and I'm working very hard to get it back.. Went jogging for the past 2 days.. Burnt a few calories i guess.. But wads the point of exercising when I dunno how to control my diet.. Sighs.. I aim to complete 5km in 20 mins and burn away at least 5kg of fats by the end of this year!!

Last wed went to my best buddy's AIT passing out parade!! He is officially a guardsman now!! Haha.. I'm very happy for him and I feel very proud to have such a tough and strong warrior as my brother!! Congrats bro!! I hope tat I can achieve something great like him during my NS days later in life!!

Went Bugis to celebrate Wilson's Bday on national day!! Haha.. Although only a few came but it was really a fun day.. Haha.. Everybody was late, I reached there too early.. After everyone reach Bugis den we walked to Arab street's Zam Zam to eat indian food.. Haha.. I love the Mee Goreng and Mutabak so much!! The price was really reasonable.. Haha.. After tat went to city hall, it was really a scary experience for me.. The crowd at City Hall MRT was damn freakin scary.. I fuckin hate the crowd.. So decide to ciao home straight.. Haha..

I'm trying to improve my English.. Coz I find tat I really cant speak properly in English.. I've got Mr James Chan to help me improve my English.. Thanks buddy!! Haha.. I guess this post is more for myself.. Its to remind myself all these goals I've set for myself.. I will do my very best to achieve it!! =D

Signing off
Raymond

Changing for the better

2007-08-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

Changing for the better

5 August 2007

Okay.. I'm Here to clear the dust accumulated on my blog.. This is gonna be a long entry.. Life has changed for the better recently.. Alot more exciting as I got more friends to hang out with during weekends.. I dun feel that lonely anymore.. They painted my world with bright colours!! Thanks alot!! I've guranteed a B+ for 1 of my module and I'm hoping to improve it to an A.. Although it's gonna be tough but I will do my very best..

Recalling wad I've done for the best 2 or 3 weeks.. Haha.. I think the most significant one was James' bday.. He was sick on his bday and it was so sad.. I skipped sch for 2 consecutive days and missed one easy UT to celebrate his bday.. Haha.. Tats the 1st UT I've ever skipped bahx..

The day before his bday, went to marina square to buy him a lava lamp which was one of the items in his wishlist.. On the actual day, Ram and I went to his house to celebrate his bday.. We bought along a Mango talk cake and the lava lamp.. It was meant to be a surprise but oh well, someone spoilt it.. We couldn't do anything to him on his bday since he was sick.. Haha..

The day after his bday, skipped sch again.. We bought him to an Indian restaurant in Little India for a treat.. Haha.. We ordered fuckin 1 whole table of food.. Which cost us $110 inclusive of the GST 7%.. Knn.. Fuckin tax cost us almost $10.. Obviously we had to finish all the food.. The food there was quite nice and it was also the 1st time i ate Indian cuisine.. Really good experience.. As usual la, kena tortured by him.. Was forced to eat 2 fuckin super sweet dough on the same time!! Almost puked la!! We walked out of the restaurant bloated.. We couldn't even stand straight.. After eating went to Toa Payoh to watch Simpsons.. It was a funny show but it was quite short.. Not worth the money I guess..

Haha.. As I've mentioned.. We couldn't do anything on his bday.. So when James finally recovered.. Disaster strucked him!! Hahaha.. Ram being the mastermind, suggested to pool, egg and flour him.. I managed to make them pang sua the pool.. But egg and flour bath was inevitable.. Haha!! We bathe him with egg and flour at Woodlands!! As usual, Ram oso kena even though its not his bday.. James covered with flour n eggs hugged him.. Damn poor thing la.. Haha.. I was merciful enuff to accompany James home to clean up himself..

Went to Vivo city to have lunch wif James on wednesday.. Knn.. Tat fucker always love to torture pple.. Fuckin put hell lot of chill on my bowl of beef noodles.. The gravy of the beef noodles turned fuckin red.. I was forced to eat it.. LOL!! I burnt my lips.. Thx ah Jams if u r reading this.. After tat went Candy Empire to buy bday present for NaNa .. I wasn't brave enuff to buy something which was known as the perfect gift.. Sighs.. After tat hanged ard at harbour front till 7..

Went to the Daytime Zoo wif my classmates ytd.. Haha.. It was not only fun but educational too.. I enjoyed myself pretty much.. Haha.. Walking one round around the zoo by foot was damn tiring.. Took us half a day to walk one whole round.. It's a pity we couldn't see the Leopards, Lions and Giraffe.. They kept those dangerous animal at 6!! We were too late.. Sighs.. Before leaving we went to photograph house to collect the photos the staff took for us before we enter the Zoo.. The photo is damn nice haha..

Guess this entry is long enuff.. Haha.. Bye

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

Joy & Pain

2007-07-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

Joy & Pain

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Woo.. Long time no blog alrdy.. Damn busy nowadays.. Haha.. I guess it's gonna get worse and worse.. Haven start PP project and O level maths exam date is set at 29 Oct.. 2 day before the deadline of PP.. Sigh.. I'm in big trouble!!

Something to be happy abt is, so far all my released UT 2 grades have improved.. Although not as good as I wish to get.. It's not bad to get such grades for MATHS modules when maths has always been my biggest weakness.. =)

I had alot of fun recently.. Went to alot places like Night Safari, Punggol, Changi, City Hall and etc.. The list goes on and on.. LOL!! Followed James ard the whole island to do filmming.. He filmed "almost" "every" place, he has been to with his gf.. And the end product which is a 30 min video clip was her gf's bday gift!! A lot of money & effort (sweat) was pooled into it.. It's a priceless gift!! I really doubt whether I can do it for my future girl?? Hmm.. Probably not.. Coz I have no talent in such areas.. I can't even say a simple happy birthday.. -_-

Juz watched Transformer last sunday with Liang & Rayson!! The show was so damn cool!! I'll rate it 4/5!! No wonder all the "golden" time slots were not availiable.. Had no choice but to take the midnite time slot which was 12 45 am.. It was the 1st ever time I've watched a movie at midnite.. Haha.. Quite a good experience but it was damn tiring to wait 6 hrs before we can watch tat really really cool movie.. =D

Something unfortunate.. I met her again in sch last week.. Sigh!!! It's either she doesn't recognise me or I'm transparent or I'm nth but a stranger to her now.. Guess it was all my fault.. Didnt contact her for 3 months.. But didnt expect her to completely ignore me when we meet again.. End of our friendship?? Well, mayb its not a bad thing afterall.. Hopefully, it will be easier to forget her now.. How would u feel if someone u like treats u like a stranger?? Izzit my fault?? Sigh.... =(

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

Sigh

2007-07-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

Sigh

Sunday 1 July 2007

It's July now.. 7 more weeks to the end of semester 1.. I really dunno whether its a good thing or a bad thing.. Hope tat I will not have maths modules every single day next sem.. It's really driving me nuts.. Zzzz.. I almost couldn't take it and had the thought of dropping out recently.. Thx to those who gave mi words of encouragement n advice when I was on the verge of giving up.. Really appreciate it alot!! I've found the courage to endure it once again!! =)

Skipped sch again on friday.. Sigh.. Tats the 6th time I've skipped sch this sem.. My grades suck like hell la.. I muz do something to it.. But I really dun have any confidence in improving my grades.. I juz hope tat it doesn't get any worse..

Skipped sch but still went to Woodlands to meet up wif those W14P peeps.. Haha.. Actually planned to watch transformer.. But for some reason, not only the shopping malls but all the movie theatres in town r fully packed.. No suitable time slots.. We had to change our plans lo.. However, I still enjoy the day.. It's always a joy to hear Glenn,Sarah and Wilson talking.. Haha.. So damn funny.. For the 1st time in my life, I took 2 hrs to reach home from Orchard.. wtf.. All the buses were fully packed becoz of some inconsiderate Singaporeans who refused to move to the rear of the bus.. After waiting 1 hr at the bus stop, in the end decided to take train..

Went AMK hub for shopping ytd!! It was the last day of 5% GST.. Haha.. I bought 1 shirt from Spade and 1 really nice shoe in my opinion from Converse!! Quite cheap.. $100 for 2 branded stuff is considered pretty reasonable..

Theres a question in my head now.. Am I a petty guy?? I've stopped contacting her even as a friend.. It has been a long time since I last chat wif her.. Sigh.. I really dunno how to face her.. I'm afraid tat I might feel even more terrible if I hear her talking abt things between her bf n her.. I'm afraid tat I might not be able to move on if I still continue to hear from her.. I'm afraid of alot alot things.. I've come to realise tat it's almost impossible to forget her.. Since I can't forget, I think I'll let nature take it's course.. I'll continue to wait.. Sigh..

*I Still Love You* =(

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

My 19th Birthday

2007-06-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

My 19th Birthday

Sunday, 17 June 2007

When I thought tat I'm not able to celebrate coz I spent most of my money on the overseas trip.. My good buddies & brothers nvr failed to make my 19th bday an unforgettable one.. No words can express my gratitude to them!! I'm so freakin touched!!

The midnite before my bday celebration.. James called mi & told mi something shocking.. I was halfway in a DotA game.. I quitted the game immediately to hear wad actually happened.. WTH man.. Dun ever do such foolish things!! But I guess I dun need to worry much, everything is fine between them..

Ram,James & I talked on the fone till 4am.. And James came up wif a darn insane idea of Q-ing up for donuts AGAIN but this time at 8AM!! My gosh!! But luckily, it was all talk but no action coz Ram & James failed to wake up on time.. I stupidly woke up at 6.50 & went to bathe.. Fortunately juz before I leave my block I called them.. They r still slping.. Den I happily went home & slp for another 4 hrs..

In the afternoon, went to plaza for lunch wif Liang after playing 1 DotA game wif him.. Haha.. Even though, he cant accompany mi & save mi from trouble later in the day due to army guard duty .. But at least I got to meet him in person.. He wished mi & I feel tats good enuff alrdy.. =)

At ard 5pm, Mohsen & Ram came to my block.. They trick mi to go downstairs & I was egg-ed & flour-ed by them!! WTF!! It was damn disgusting.. Shall not elaborate too much.. Too obscene I guess.. They bought mi a black jacket.. I love it very much.. Thx guys!! Pictures speak A thousand words!!

Went home to bathe & change den head to Junction 8 to meet James.. I was tortured by him .. Firstly, I have to drink the beef noodles soup wif HIGH pepper content!! Den a series of attks on various parts of my body.. Freakin painful!!

Went to Phunk Bar at ard 10pm.. Woah.. I was fuckin forced to drink again.. Puke out the beef noodles tat I had for dinner.. It clogged up the basin.. Damn disgusting.. LOL!! Poor cleaner.. Sorry x( .. I think I'm allergic to alcohol or something.. It disfigured mi.. I'm having face rashes now.. Face damn red.. -_-

I danced for the first time in my life.. Haha.. I was abit high at tat point of time.. Didnt really noe wad I was doing.. I guess I wasn't dancing at all.. I was juz merely moving my body.. LOL!!

After tat went to Serangoon Gardens for supper.. Then after supper, walked to the park to swing.. Haha!! Poor Ram was tortured by James even though it wasnt his bday.. LOL!!!

Overall, I enjoyed my 19th bday!! Thx to those who wished mi happy bday & I really like to thank Ram,James,Mohsen & Benedict for giving such an unforgettable bday!! THANK YOU!!

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

June Rawks

2007-06-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

June Rawks

Thursday 15 June 2007

Woots!! The month of June this yr so far has been really enjoyable for mi!! Haha.. Did alot of crazy things this month.. Tried alot of things for the 1st time..

Went to Old Changi Hospital earlier this month wif 2 other adventurous buddies.. Nv thought tat I would have the courage to walk in.. I did told myself tat I would nv ever take a step into the hospital at all.. I'm really afraid of supernatural n ghost.. It's one of my greatest fear.. I not only overcame it, I even climbed up to the rooftop of tat haunted hospital.. Glad tat I didnt see anything.. It was really a wonderful experience..

Met up some of my W24P classmates last week.. Went to Cine kbox wif Shuyun,Hasita,An Jie, Eileen,Liling & Dan Chen.. Hahaha!! It was really damn fun!! Liling & Eileen really made mi laughed alot.. They were really too high n started to be abit crazy.. I oso nv tried singing w/o the singer voice playing.. Haha!! After crazy 6 hrs of singing.. We went Pastamania to have our dinner.. It was the 1st time I dine at Pastamania.. Haha!! Before going home, we went to take neoprints.. LOL!! It was oso my 1st time too.. I always have this mindset of neoprints r for gers.. It turned out quite ok haha..

And then.. James & I fuckin hell Q-ed.. 2 & half hours for donuts!! What The Heck man!! Madness.. Guess tat it would be the first & last time I'll be doing tat.. Unless theres someone tat is worth doing it for.. Haha!! Bought 1 dozen for my mum in the end.. Mum doesnt seem touched tat I Q-ed up 3hrs to buy donuts for her.. =(

A few days ago.. Went overseas wif James & Melvin.. Haha!! The trip was damn cheap.. 2Days 1 Nite cost us less den $200 inclusive of food,transport, hotel & leisure.. Haha!! Budden guess we didnt bring enuff money to enjoy.. Haha.. Spent every single I had on the 1st day of the trip.. I didnt have a single wif mi on the 2nd day of the trip.. 2nd day really suck man.. Haha.. At least I learnt something new on the 2nd day.. Haha.. Know how to play a new poker card game.. Won alot of times.. Haha.. Guess I was really lucky.. Overall, the trip was ok.. It could have been better if we bought more money & we noe how to speak their language (guess only James & Melvin know why).. =X

Have been blogging for 1 year le.. Getting lazier & lazier alrdy.. Dun update as often as when I first started.. It's my bday today!! I'm 19.. Guess my bday wish this yr wouldnt come true again.. Haiz.. Spent too much on the overseas trip.. No money to celebrate.. x(

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

Poisoned

2007-06-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Poisoned

Saturday, 2 June 2007

Haiz.. I've been feeling very unwell since wed.. I didn't noe wad happened to mi.. Nausea, bloated stomach, watery stools, headache n dizziness.. I was feeling very terrible for the past few days.. Juz went to see a doctor today.. Went to Clementi Polyclinic for consultation.. After waiting for more than 1 hr.. Found out tat I got food poisoning.. Haiz.. What The Heck!! Damn suay..

I'm still feeling weak n a bit drowsy now, mayb due to the effects of the medicine.. Feeling alot better now.. I really miss those food I love.. Haf been eating porridge n bee hoon soup for the past few days.. Hope tat I can recover quickly so tat I can enjoy my food again.. Heex..

These few days have been better for mi.. I dun feel tat lonely these days wif Ram n James' company.. Haha.. We went to our friend's wedding last week.. Haha!! It was freaking fun!! Took loads of pics.. Some of them r fuckin funny.. Ram being the clown in the photos.. HAHA!!! No choice la,not only James but oso groom requested.. He'll have to do it.. I bet anyone who knows Ram sees it will laugh his/her ass off..
Went to pool after the function.. I think I've improved abit in pool.. Spend alot of money on tat day.. Took cab a total of 3 times a day.. Record breaking day.. Haiz..

Ciao sch halfway on tuesday.. Went to Sun plaza to meet James & Ram.. Discussed abt going Bintan for vacation tgt.. Woah.. Sound pretty cool.. I've nv been overseas wif friends before.. Really wish I have the money to go.. Ram doesn't seem interested too.. Haiz..

Other than the Bintan vacation thingy.. They asked mi abt the thing I hate to tok abt the most.. It seems like more n more pple r getting to noe this little cowardly secret of mine.. Juz when I was feeling better.. The wound was abt to heal, it opens up again.. Toking abt tat matter really stir emotions inside my head n heart.. Felt really sad.. Especially, the sentence "all is fair in love".. Shld I fight for my happiness??

Went to Kovan lanshop to play DotA after reading some books in Sembawang library.. Long journey home after tat again.. Haha.. It's good to see old friends coming back to my life again.. Thx James & Ram!! Haha.. U guys really made mi feel better..

Off to bed!! Bye!!

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

A Stronger Person

2007-05-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

A Stronger Person

Friday 25 May 20007

Vacation is coming n this time, I can forget abt having fun.. Got to do PP project, freakin stressful.. Till now I still dunno which company to interview n how to go abt doing those tedious research.. Year 2 of RP simply sucks.. It makes mi hate sch so damn much.. Every single day I have to drag my body to sch reluctantly.. Haiz..

Recently I've been a loner.. I go to sch alone.. Skip breakouts coz I juz couldn't find anyone to accompany mi.. Walk home alone too.. During weekends, lock myself at home.. Haha.. Do everything alone.. After 1 month of zi bi-ness.. I realised tat I'm more independent.. I can live w/o friends wadsoever.. But I dun think this is healthy n I shldnt continue this for too long..

I'm not afraid of being alone anymore.. I used to be a loner.. I'm juz adjusting back to the life I used to lead.. I shall try to make new friends from my class.. But its gonna be difficult for a person like mi.. I really dun wanna to be a loner anymore.. Kinda depressing sometimes when I think of it.. Friends coming in n going out of my life.. It seems like theres a gap between mi n my best friend too.. Kinda sad.. Its really hard to swallow but I'll juz have to accept it..

Happy married life to the someone who is gonna to get married tmr.. Haha.. All the best n hope for the best for ya child.. Shes gonna be fine!! I'll be attending a FRIEND'S wedding tmr for the 1st time in my life!!

I got my first A for this semester!! So happy!! Haha!! Time to go to bed!!

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

My Definition Of Happiness

2007-05-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

My Definition Of Happiness

Tuesday 15 May 2007

Today my RJ (Reflection Journal) question is : To you, what is happiness in life?? My RJ answer was really emotional.. Everything was from the bottom of my heart.. Even though it sounds gay or wadever, I dun care.. Guys r also human, tats y I dun see a reason y a guy shldnt wish for care n love.. I'm someone who lack love n care since young..

My answer to my RJ question :

I've never been happy since I was young. My parents are busy working and they don't really spend time with me and my brother. I'm not really close with my family members. I don't feel much warmth from my family which other children have.

I'm a rather greedy person, I yearn for the perfect life which is impossible to achieve. Actually I'm not a happy person. I'm a guy with few friends. My parents always quarrel over money matters. I always feel lonely and neglected.

I really wish to see my family live in peace and harmony. I also wish that we are not troubled by financial problems. I wish to have many people to care for me. Having many friends and close buddies so that I will never be bored or lonely. This would be happiness to me.

The greatest happiness I want in life is to have a good job that I can take pride of. A caring wife and two kids. Have many good friends and buddies to keep me company. That is all I wish for. This is because I lack family warmth since young and I always feel lonely. That is why I'm wishing for all these things to compensate for what I never had in the past and even now. Having all these things which I never had would be my greatest happiness.

Another happy thing is tat.. Today we went to celebrate Serene's bday.. It has been a long time since I really enjoy myself wif my friends.. I've been rotting at home lately.. I'm like always glued to the TV screen (instead of computer screen) now..

Some of W14P peeps n I went to marina square pizza hut to have our dinner to celebrate for Serene's bday in advance.. We bought her a big chocolate mashmellow cake n a Casio watch.. Really enjoyed the meal n the cake (only at the beginning).. The service provided by the staff there was GREAT too!! Full marks to their service!! Happy Birthday to Serene in advance!! =)

After tat we went to the esplanade area where we can see the merlion to slack.. Glenn n Sarah started sharing ghost stories.. omg.. It was so scary, I feel rather uneasy in the middle of the story telling session.. HAHA!! It was really really fun!! Hope to have more these gatherings in future.. =)

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

Ultimate Stress

2007-05-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

Ultimate Stress

Wednesday 2 May 2007

Life has been suckie ever since sch started..The modules I'm taking simple sux.. Maths has been my weakness since I was very young.. And now I haf to do calculations every single day.. Wads worse?? I didnt take A Maths in my sec sch days and I'm taking engineering maths now.. Tats like learning to fly without knowing how to walk..

My classmates r a bunch of fun n friendly pple.. Plenty of foreign students in my class n I really dunno how to communicate wif them.. Within the class, it has been very competitive.. Haven got a single A yet.. Life has been difficult in sch.. I can forget abt getting more den 3.0 for my GPA from yr 2 onwards.. Sigh..

It seems like I'm a totally different person now.. I'm like a living zombie now.. Some of my actions might be eccentric which even me myself cant justify.. My heart is frozen, I dun feel any warmth.. Sometimes I get fustrated easily n I haf tat heck care attitude now.. Now when I'm troubled, I haf no one to complain to.. I think even the close ones r sick of hearing mi complain.. Tats understandable, who likes to hear pple complain?

Its alright.. I believe I've become stronger after so many things happened.. I can handle all these stress myself.. I got to get used to do and handle everything alone.. Now I live for the sake of my family, I muz not give up.. All the best to myself!! Thx blogger, I'm done complaining.. =P

Signing off
Raymond
FrozenHeart

Starting A New Life

2007-04-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

Starting A New Life

Thursday 12 April 2007

Sigh.. Now I'm truly convinced tat its all over.. It all started at 8 June 2006.. I've kept my feelings for her in my heart for more den 10 months.. A secret admirer.. Juz when I was abt to confess, I found out tat shes alrdy attached.. I was so damn lucky tat I didnt send the letter of "confession" to her.. At the veri least I saved my dignity n our friendship maybe?? We wont feel awkward when we meet again..

When I found out tat shes attached.. I couldn't accept it at first.. But after 1 whole day of thinking, I've accepted the fact.. I fully deserve this outcome.. Becoz I didnt put in enuff effort.. To a huge extent is becoz of my shy personality.. Didnt dared to do alot of things, a guy shld do to show tat he cares for the someone he loves.. Simple things like sending sms-es was a difficult job for mi.. A coward.. This time i failed becoz I'm too cowardly n inexperience..

I've learnt my lesson.. I learned it in a hard way.. Next time, I wont be so cowardly.. I will do my best to show tat I care.. I muz be thick skinned.. This pain I'm experiencing now will serve as a reminder.. Next time if I ever fall for someone again, when I'm scared to take any action.. I will ask myself, do I wan to experience this pain again?? When this question comes to my mind, I think I will be able to summon all my courage to take action.. I've failed this time round, I will come back stronger the next time..

{8 June 2006 - 11 April 2007}

Today is 12 April.. A new start for mi.. Its time to move on.. I dun wanna remain depressed forever.. Sch is starting veri soon.. I'm afraid.. How will my yr 2 in RP be like?? I noe for sure its gonna be stressful.. My best friend is serving NS from tmr onwards.. Sigh.. Will have lesser chance to see him liao.. I'm gonna be veri lonely without his company.. Hais.. Hope tat he will enjoy his army life n all the best to him!! Heex

Signing off
Raymond

Celebration at Cine

2007-04-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

Celebration at Cine

Saturday, 7 April 2007

Woots.. Had lots of fun last nite.. Hehe.. It was an early bday celebration for best bud Liang as hes going to army soon.. He would be at bedok camp on his bday.. So sad la.. However, things didnt go smoothly for him.. Many who promised to turn up for the celebration nite couldnt make it.. From like over 10 reduced to juz 5.. Liang,Galvin,Galvin's gf, Mazel n I.. It was rather disappointing for Liang I guess..

Becoz of the small numbers.. There was a change of plan.. Instead of eating steamboat at marina.. We went to a nearby coffee shop for our dinner.. Hehe.. The meal was nice though.. Had BBQ stingray for dinner.. Foo!! After dinner, we went to Cine kbox to celebrate Liang's bday.. Initially, there was onli 5 of us.. Then 3 of Liang's friends came after a while to join us.. Changed room 2 times.. WTH..

Sang song after song.. We played some dice games too.. Haha!! I was punished to drink a few sips of Carlsberg.. Hate tat suckie taste... GRRRR!!! Thx Liang for drinking 1 whole cup on my behalf.. Or else I would be chased out by the staff for puking in the room.. Wakakaka!!! From 8pm sing until 3.15am.. Haha!!! 7 hrs!! Madness!!! The bill totalled up to $307.. WTF!! Was astonished when I heard tat figure.. Hais, bday boy have to pay over $100 for it.. OMG!! Instead of treating him for the nite, he have to pay so much..

Took NR3 back to BP.. Ate supper tgt at 163.. After tat home sweet home.. Haha!! Was so damn tired.. LOL!!! Fell aslp soon after I reached home..

But nvm la.. We enjoyed ourselves.. Most imptly, Liang enjoyed himself.. Can le.. Bought a kuku bag n a wallet for him as bday gift.. Bro, I noe u will be reading this.. Sry for buying such a kuku bag which I regret buying.. Glad tat u like the wallet.. Haha!!! Happy Bday in ADVANCE!! All the best n hope tat u can enjoy ur army life!!! EVDS eh?? Wakaka!!!

Shall end my post here.. Here r some pics.. Teeeheee!!!

Signing off
Raymond aka Dumbo
{innauhixow}

After So Long

2007-03-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

After So Long

Wednesday 28 March 2007

Ytd was the most enjoyable day I had for quite a long time.. Went to ECP wif my W24P classmates.. It was supposed to be a class gathering.. But den sadly, onli An Jie,Hasita,NaNa, Liling, Dan Chen and Mi turned up.. My alarm was set at 9.45 am but den i woke up at 9am.. Too excited I guess.. Had been looking forward to this outing since holiday started.. XD

Reached Eunos Mrt which was our meeting place at 11.30am.. I was half an hour earlier.. I tot I was the earliest to reach there.. To my suprise, I saw An Jie at the platform too.. We boarded the same train.. We waited at the station for like 40mins, den 1 after another came..Liling, the one who stay nearest to Eunos actually came the latest!! Gosh!!

Went to ECP mac to meet NaNa.. After tat we went bowling.. I had nv went bowling before, it was my 1st time ytd!! At the start, I sucked.. The ball always go the longkang(drain).. But after a few tries, I've managed to catch the technique of how to direct the ball to where I wan to place it.. I striked 3 times!! Wakakaka!! Pure luck I guess.. But den I injured my fingers.. x(

After bowling, we went cycling.. Haha.. I think I'm addicted to cycling alrdy.. I juz found out tat I really enjoy cycling alot alot.. Mayb I shld get myself a bike soon.. Hehe.. We cycled to bedok jetty to enjoy the sea breeze.. It was really veri relaxing.. After tat, we cycled for another hr before returning our bikes..

Went to Yoshinoya to have our dinner.. It was my 1st proper meal of the day.. Haha.. The meal was delicious.. Everyone finished their food, except for NaNa.. Den still play wif food somemore.. LOL!! Haiyo buay tahan.. After dinner, we went our own separate ways home..

It has been a long time since we last meet n go out tgt.. Hope tat we will more of these outings in future.. Really miss my w24p peeps alot!! My best class ever!! Can someone plan for another outing pls?? Hopefully more pple will turn up.. Hehe.. Shld end my post here..

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™
{innauhixow}

A Meaningful Dream

2007-03-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

A Meaningful Dream

Sunday, 18 March 2007

I'm feeling alot better I guess.. I spent the past few days thinking n pondering over my mistakes tat I've made.. Didnt slp last nite, spent the whole nite in front of my lappy chatting wif Weiyang n Liang.. It was quite fun.. Haha.. Long time nv have a proper chat wif my friends le.. All I knew was gaming for the past 4 to 5 months.. I guess its time to stop gaming so much, chatting wif friends can be a pleasure too..

I juz woke up from a dream 3 hrs ago.. The dream was really meaningful.. I tot dreams r supposed to be random n senseless.. For the 1st time in my life, I had a meaningful dream.. My dream wasn't nice to be frank.. Dreamt of one of my friend who used to care for mi alot.. In the dream, she ignored mi n was cold towards mi.. I felt so sad in the dream.. The dream ended like tat.. I could remember the dream vividly in my head after i woke up from it..

I've come to realise tat, I really didnt noe how to cherish my friends.. Mayb its partly becoz of my quiet n shy personality.. I wouldnt initiate a conversation wif someone I'm not really close wif.. I seldom send sms-es to pple.. Becoz I always feel shy to do so.. Thinking tat they might not like it.. Haha.. From the dream, I come to realise tat I'm a terrible friend who juz dun communicate well wif my friends.. I always wait for my friends to initiate a conversation wif mi.. I had nv made the effort to stay in close contact wif my not so close friends.. At the veri least I shld not blame them or suspect my friends for being fake.. To maintain a healthy n close relationship wif someone takes 2 hands to clap.. Both parties muz do their part.. If not its doom to fail.. Haha..

I muz really change this mindset tat I have alrdy.. I shld learn to open up n start to initiate conversation wif my friends.. To let them noe tat, they r not forgotten.. They r still remembered n I still care for them.. Hehe.. A valuable lesson for mi.. I'm happy abt tat becoz I've become a better person.. I know my mistakes.. Changing in progress.. Muz overcome the shyness n open up!!

Tats all I guess.. Hope to receive comments wif regards to my post .. Thank You =D

Signining off
Raymond aka [emo.] N™

Enuff Is Enuff

2007-03-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

Enuff Is Enuff

Friday, 16 March 2007

Im really veri veri tired of life.. It sux.. Problems after problems keep coming to mi.. I cant take this anymore.. My life is juz so stressful.. I wish I could juz slp forever so tat I won't have to worry abt anything.. I need a break.. Pls spare mi.. Too much problems for a young man to take i guess.. A few more problems come to mi n I'll go insane for sure..

My Brother haf been giving mi endless problems.. Mixing wif the bad company, he is now uncontrollable.. Dun listen to mi anymore.. And he even start to tell lies.. It really hurts to see him change so much.. I've been putting so much effort to lead him back to the right path.. But my efforts dun seem to be appreciated.. He said tat I'm unreasonable.. Haiz.. I do so much things n wad do I get in return..

Now my family is facing financial difficulties.. Parents juz finished quarrelling.. Now i feel obliged to go look for another job asap.. Becoz I'm a part of the family, being the eldest I have the responsibility to ease my parents' burden.. Mum is giving mi alot pressure to quickly find a job.. Meaning I would not be able to find a job tat I like.. I have to grab wadever job opportunities tat come to mi.. Damn sick la..

My best friend's hopes were juz simply shattered by the ger he liked.. He is hurt n I oso dun feel good.. I feel sad for him.. I was wrong to give him so much hope, if i knew this would happen.. I would juz ask him to give up.. Haiz.. I shldnt haf encouraged him not to give up.. I feel guilty.. Cheer Up bro, u still have us.. Ur brothers for life =)

I've been thinking alot for the past few days.. I realised tat, I was being dumb to avoid the ger I like.. I tried not to meet her, I stop chatting wif her on msn and I act as if I dun care for her anymore.. Becoz I felt tat I stand no chance n the onli thing I could was to forget her.. This is juz an excuse for mi to escape from reality (confess).. I didnt have the courage to do so n I made up this idiotic excuse so tat I dun have to confess which I fear the most.. In fact, deep inside I've nv even thought of forgetting her..

In short, it is 避开她是因为要忘记她，其实这只不过是个借口。让没有勇气的我逃避现实的借口。

Now, Its too late to do anything.. I'll juz haf to take this as a lesson n hope tat i dun make the same mistake again.. I guess its time to move on wif life.. But I still need time to forget the "special" feelings for her.. Haiz.. Gonna face yr 2 of RP soon.. PP, CE pts yet to fulfill n have to retake O lvl maths.. Its gonna be a stressful yr 2 for mi.. Haiz .. Enuff of complains too.. I shall end my post here..

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Jobless Again

2007-03-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

Jobless Again

Thursday 8 March 2007

Sigh.. Im jobless again.. But i had lots of fun working for Ferrero for the past 1 week.. Hehe.. I love setting up display!! It gave mi a sense of satisfaction.. I can proudly tell pple tat, the kinder bueno display there is set up by me.. Haha.. But too bad la, their promotion is over n they dun need anymore part time boys.. So sad.. Got to find another job =(

Display @ BP Plaza

Display @ Causway Point

Wilson n I went to Orchard take my pay today.. The tiger promoter job pay.. Darn it.. Stupid agency hold it until now.. Slowpokes.. Got $140.. Haha.. So happy!! I feel rich once again.. Gonna get my pay from Ferrero too.. I'm gonna get a pair of new shoes.. Bo bian, my new yr shoes kena stolen.. Sianz..

After we took our pay we went marina square.. Haha.. Ate SUBWAY for the 1st time in my life.. Haha.. So mountain tortise (sua ku).. Everything oso nv try before.. It was veri nice.. Hehe.. But darn troublesome.. Have to tell the person wad bread,sauce n veggie i wan.. I tio stunned, didnt noe how to order.. Wilson ordered for mi.. LOL!! So dumb of mi..

And one more thing.. Damn it!! Something really disgraceful happened to mi.. Grrr!! Some of my very very personal things were made known to someone Im not really close to.. She obtain my secrets in a rather unscrupulous way.. So disgraceful la!! Die!! I dunno wad to do abt it.. I think juz dun care la.. Juz hope tat she can keep her mouth shut n dun gossip abt mi.. =(

Beware of crush007.com, my friends.. Its a stupid website tat will fool u to enter some of ur veri personal things in it.. Claiming tat they can 100% predict ur future accurately.. Acutally it is a evil trick.. Knn.. Den they will send ur answer to those personal questions to a 3rd party.. I'm victimised by it.. Haiz..

Signing off
Raymond

Goodbye W14P

2007-03-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

Goodbye W14P

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Erh.. Time really flies.. It's alrdy March tmr.. I'm gonna be a yr 2 student 1 n a half month later.. I juz came back from W14P chalet ytd.. The chalet was so screwed up.. Haiz.. Was supposed to be a 3 day 2 nite chalet.. But in the end it turned out be a 2 day 1 nite chalet.. Coz we checked out earlier simply becoz we dun have much things to do in the chalet wif such a small number..

I did enjoy some moments during my stay in the 2 storey vacation bangalow.. It was veri spacious n comfortable.. However, I didnt haf much things to do in the chalet.. Everyone was gambling n playing PS2.. I dun really like to gamble nor play PS2.. I could onli stone n slp at the chalet.. Haiz..

Some moments which I had enjoyed in the chalet was playing fatal frame at 12 midnite sharp.. Even though I was juz a spectator, tat game is really veri scary.. Full of suspense.. Cycling at Pasir Ris park was oso veri fun.. Hehe.. Long time didnt cycle le.. Almost 2 yrs I guess.. Really enjoyed it.. The feeling was so shiok.. =D

After the cycling session, we checked out n went home.. A long n fustrating journey home.. I cant believe tat I could go 30 hrs w/o a proper meal n still alive..

It's my 1st day of work today.. Worked veri veri long hours.. OMG!! Got lots of outlets to run to.. To do the darn display for promotion.. Got lots of cuts from the darn cupboard for the display.. Grrr!! It hurts!! Luckily Liang came n help mi.. If not I'm gonna have 28/02/07 carved on my tombstone!!

Wahaha!! Tmr have to work long hrs again.. OMG!! God bless mi!! Goodbye to all my W14P friends.. Cya around in Sch!! Hehe.. Nth much to write le.. Yawns.. Nite!!

Signing off
Raymond (W14P for the last time)
Would Miss You Guys

BAD Luck!

2007-02-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

BAD Luck!

Friday 23 February 2007

Haiz.. New shoes kena stolen.. Damn moody now.. I'm sad.. I onli worn the shoes twice.. Darn tat thief who stole my shoes.. $50 gone juz lidat.. My hard earned money, exchanged wif my blood n sweat.. Heartache.. Pple may think tat it's juz a pair of shoes.. But.. I dunno y I'm so attached to tat shoe.. Mayb it's bought wif my own hard earned money..

Nobody cares.. Nobody cared to console mi.. One sit in front of TV screen dun care.. The other went to slp straight away.. Another, talked back at mi when I meant well n ignored mi after tat.. I'm juz a stupid idiot whom pple like to make use of.. When they dun need my help or my company.. Everybody juz disappears.. When I need someone to tok to or a listening ear, I cant find any..Neither my Family nor my Friends care.. God, juz bring mi to paradise since I've not sinned at all in this lifetime.. Dun send mi to hell to suffer again.. Haiz

Argh!! Nvm.. Enuff of complains.. Watched a movie, "Just Follow Law".. It's a veri funny yet touching show.. I rate it 4/5 stars.. Too bad I missed the first 15 mins of the movie n I wasn't in the right mood to watch it.. Wad a pity.. Haiz.. The "Epic movie" was funny but it's kinda lame.. I'll rate it 2.5/5 stars bahx.. Rather wait for VCD to come out.. Coz its not worth $6.50..

I've got a 6 day job too.. $56 a day means I'll get $280 at the end of it.. Can buy another pair of shoes.. At least I feel better.. I'll end here..

Signing Off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Emotions

2007-02-17T02:47:00.000+08:00

Emotions

Friday 16 February 2007

So glad tat the idotic Feb 14 is over.. I spent the whole of the damn stupid day working n doing fruitful things instead of emo-ing at home.. Early in the morning went to work.. From morning work till nite.. Was veri busy.. Didnt have time to imagine stuff which was veri gd for mi.. But I did tear abit on the way to the Cadbury factory while I was listening to this sad song.. Which is my current blog song.. Haiz.. The lyrics everything, so sad.. Abit similar to my situation oso.. =(

Last nite, I accompanied Liang to Bishan.. He wanted to pass a valentine gift to his ger- friend ma, decided to tag along coz I noe he needed moral support.. HeeX.. It wasn't smooth at all, things didnt go according to plan.. Loads of problems n obstacles in between.. Time was the biggest obstacle.. But in the end, it turned out well.. =D

I'm really happy for Liang.. Haha.. Now he stands a high chance of succeeding.. Wish him good luck n all the best.. Credits to him.. Sincere is the word to describe him... But I can't help feeling emo at the same time.. Coz human r selfish, U still think of urself.. For my case, I think I was really being veri dumb.. Hate myself for being such a coward at tat time..

I nv found the courage to tell her my feelings.. Even till now I'm still keeping it inside mi.. Really wish to write how I feel in here.. I tried all means to forget her, an attempt to escape from reality (confessing).. I avoid seeing her n chatting wif her.. Hoping tat I would juz forget her after some time.. But it didnt happen, She is still always on my mind.. I fell under her spell or wadever?? I really dunno.. I always play the happy times we had together in my head..

How it started ?? Simple, she was the first female who ever cared to tok to mi n even disturb mi..

Memories:

There was once, she grabbed my arm when she was scared, tat made mi feel tat I want to protect her..
Her sweet voice n lovely smile melts my heart..
When I was sad or stressed, she used to comfort mi..Whenever, she fell sick or sad, I feel so lost.. I could onli ask "how r u feeling?"..
When she got bullied, I didnt dare to do anything.. Felt so useless..

Haiz.. I'm so emo now.. I better stop.. Happy for Liang, my bro for life.. I'm sad for myself.. Mixed emotions.. Nite..

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Ups N Downs

2007-02-13T01:12:00.000+08:00

Ups N Downs

Monday 12 February 2007

Life is full of ups and downs.. I can be very happy one day n feel really veri upset the next.. Haiz.. Tats wad exactly happened to mi.. I was really veri happy ytd.. But feel so sad today.. It has been 1 week since I started working as Tiger promoter.. Was beginning to enjoy my job abit.. But.. Haiz..

Ytd I was veri happy coz I managed to sell 20 cartons away which rewarded mi not onli wif money and a sense of satisfaction.. Broke my personal best record (sales) ytd.. All thx to my FU,LU and SHOU golden piggies.. I oso stole 1 FU golden piggy away from the outlet.. Haha.. So cute la.. Anyway its a free gift, customer didnt take den it becomes mine lo.. Muahaha..

Den today last day of sch.. Class end so damn early 11am.. Haha.. Onli 6 pple in the class.. Poor king kong.. Buy potato chips eat himself.. Haha.. So poor thing.. After class went to the agency company to collet pay + submit time sheet.. Kns hold back my pay dun wan to give mi..

Then Wilson,Sarah,Wahedah n I went to Marina Square to chill out.. Chatted abt lots of things, dogs, friends and class.. We came across a shop which sells veri artistic things... Went in to look ard for quite a while.. Haha.. The things they sell r damn cool la.. A good place to buy bday presents for friends.. Really enjoyed the mini class outing but too bad I gotta go off to work while they still continue shopping and having fun..

Took a bus to my outlet, when I reached there.. I alrdy see a promoter there.. Which means im redundant or extra.. I called the guy in charge.. He actually told to go home n standby.. WTF la.. Sibei du lan lorr.. Haiz.. The ironic thing is the tiger promoter is someone who looks familiar.. She was from my sec sch.. Wonder how it happened, out of so many pple.. My job was taken away by a familiar face.. -_-"

Bad bad day today.. Pay kena held back, outing day ruined coz I haf to work.. But reach the outlet to find out tat im extra.. Ask mi to go home.. If not becoz of work,I would have been enjoying my day wif my classmates.. Damn it.. Grrr!! Haiz.. Enuff of complains.. Go slp le.. Ciao~~

Signining off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Stress

2007-02-04T09:53:00.000+08:00

Stress

Sunday 4 February 2007

Woah.. The 1st yr of my poly life is coming to an end soon.. 2 months vacation starts at 13 Feb, I've found a temporary job now.. But they only need me to work till 16 Feb.. Currently working as a promoter for Tiger Beer.. The job is quite tough, not easy at all.. Started working ytd, only managed to sell 2 cartons of 24 cans & 2 cartons of 8 cans.. So sad man.. Damn unlucky lo, kena posted to such a quiet place..

There r loads of procedures to follow before I can start promoting.. Have to do price check, premium checks, blah blah blah.. Den the idiotic store managers there were so unhelpful.. I was so lost ytd, didn't noe wad to do.. Called my in charge, he didn't pick up the damn fone.. I looked like an idiot, didn't know wad to do.. So helpless.. Hais.. How to survive till 16 Feb?!! Stress!!

And den a few days ago, my lappy kena msn virus... Grrr.. Stress la.. So many things to worry abt.. The damn virus is lagging my lappy n has corrupted my firewall now.. I think have to go reformat it n I'll have to go to the idiotic IT helpdesk again.. Sianz..

Feb 14 is coming soon.. Tat stupid day is coming again.. emo emo emo again.. Hais.. I wonder when den I will have a chance to celebrate this day?? Argh.. Damn stupid la.. Heck care liao.. Enuff of stress n complains alrdy.. Nth else to write.. Cya... =(

Signning off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Wrong Decision

2007-01-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

Wrong Decision

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

Almost been 2 weeks since I last update my blog.. So I guess its time to clear away the dust in my blog =P .. lols.. But I guess, I got nth much to update.. Life is always boring for mi.. Tried some new things recently.. Haha.. Its good to try new things but theres one thing I really regret trying..

Juz went to Kbox for the 1st time last saturday.. Yeah!! It was quite fun, It could have been better if I can sing more songs.. Too bad.. I cant sing well, only sang 3 songs.. I dun think I sang well, micphobia n stuff stopped mi from singing naturally.. I oso began to appreciate music pretty recently, like 1 yr ago?? Its good to try new things, but everything comes in a price.. To pay $15 to sing 3 songs, watch MV n 2 cups of drinks was rather expensive yea?? Hmm.. But come to think of it, taking it as an experience is still worth the money..

Grr!! God damn it.. Its good to try something new but really haf to think of consequences too.. Went to VD to cut my hair last sunday.. My hairstylist asked mi to try something new, since I didn't noe wad hairstyle to cut den I left it to her to decide.. She asked mi whether I would like to change my hairstyle, I said yes.. My god!! She go n cut tat kinda punk hair.. Basket!! I really really regret it.. I've learnt a precious from this incident, it is never let the hairstylist decide wad hairstyle to cut.. U make the decision.. I miss my old hairstyle.. Hais..

Wee!! Juz won a dota match today afternoon in sch.. I think I played pretty well.. Haha.. We deserved the victory.. Really happy today.. Hahaha =D .. Nth else to write le, update next time.. Hehe..

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

Madness

2007-01-14T16:14:00.000+08:00

Madness

Sunday, 14 January 2007

Woah woah!! It was Ram's bday ytd, 13 Jan!! LOL!! Ytd was a damn fun day.. lmao.. Couldn't stop laughing the whole day.. Intially our ideas was to throw water bombs at the bday guy.. lol.. But we didn't manage to find any water bombs availiable at Jurong.. So too bad, flour n eggs were the tools of torture for ytd.. Poor Ram.. =X

James dragged him to one dark corner to torture him.. 1st we asked him to take off his shirt, shoes n specs.. After tat we threw eggs n poured a whole bag of flour on him.. Haha!! Was damn funny.. Poor guy was half naked wif eggs n flour all over his head n body.. Not forgetting some egg shells in his underwear.. Had no where to wash off the mess, so no choice lorr.. Haf to walk into the shopping centre half naked as tat wasn't anywhere nearby to clean himself up.. Everybody was looking at him, couldn't stop laughing.. ROFL!!

As for the bday presents, we bought him a green striking coloured bag n Mr Bean's bear.. Haha!! Actually thought of buying him a pink shirt... Haha.. Too bad didn't see any shop tat sells clothes there.. Went to a shop which sells winter wear.. Wanted to buy him a terrorist mask n Santa hat.. But in the end decided to buy the bag becoz it seemed like a more appropriate gift.. =X

After tat James still bought him to Serangoon Gardens to drink beer.. OMG!! I was forced to drink again.. Fuck la.. Drank 2 mugs of Heineken n i puked.. It was Ram's bday n I was the one puking.. Hais so useless.. I swear I won't ever drink again.. The feeling was damn suckie.. After drinking I went home by Cab as there were no bus availiable at 12am.. $13 cab fare!! Wakaoz eh..Spent $70 ytd.. Sian lorr.. Heart pain sia... T.T

But ok la, it was fun except for the drinking part.. Worth the money I guess.. Hahaha.. Happy Belated Bday RAM!! U noe we love u!! No offence!! Hope u like the bday gifts n everything we did for u!! =)

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.™

2007!! 1st Post!!

2007-01-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

1st Post of 2007

Monday, 8 January 2007

Omg.. Time really flies.. In a blink of an eye its almost the 9th day of 2007.. Start of a new yr also means a new start.. Throw away all the unhappiness from 2006 n keep the wonderful from 2006 in my heart.. But I cant seem to forget this 'special' person..

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel." Quote taken from somewhere which I find it veri true.. Dun need to elaborate more.. -_-"

Woo!! My CS [HG] Team was reformed to [emo.] Team.. Sounds nicer n reflects our feelings in some way or another.. Now got 5 pple.. Haha.. Hope to get better n good enuff to challenge other clans.. Give mi some time.. I'll train hard.. Hahaha Rock on [emo.] team!!!

Sch has been rather fun n interesting.. No more rotting at home n staring at blank space at home.. Onli the problems r suckie.. Everything is fine.. Starting to love my class.. Hahaha!! Fun bunch of pple.. Hope to build a strong bond between us.. 4 more weeks to sch holidays n I gotta start finding work now!! If not I'll end up rotting at home for 2 months.. Zzzzzz.. Sick of rotting n stoning at home... =/

Hais.. So sad.. Liang has been emo-ing since last week.. Really dunno wad to do to help him.. Feel a little guilty too.. No worries Liang, I'll be here for u when u need a listening ear.. Dun feel so sad, leave it to fate.. Everything is fated.. Wad is meant to be yours would always be yours.. Cheer up bro.. =)

Weee!! Nth to write.. Ciao

Signing off
Raymond aka [emo.] N.

End of 2006

2006-12-31T05:44:00.000+08:00

End of 2006

Sunday 31 December 2006

Omg.. Time really flies.. Its the end of 2006 alrdy.. My last post before new yr.. Haha.. Actually other than expressing my feelings n thoughts in my blog, I really haf nth else to write coz my life is so boring.. Dun haf anything interesting to write abt.. Hais..

I had a lonely n emo christmas 2006.. I spent the whole damn day at home wif my mum.. Even my 15 yrs old bro haf friends to go out wif n enjoy on Xmas.. But wad to say?? Who ask mi to be so unpopular?? Too bad lo.. Tat explains the lonely part i guess.. As for emo part, to mi christmas nite is a very romantic nite.. And to realise tat I alrdy lived for 18 yrs n I still dun haf any gf.. Tat makes mi emo.. Furthermore, i noe for veri sure tat the ger i like would nv like mi.. Hais.. Suckie christmas 2006..

Hehe.. Went Bugis ytd wif Yong,Liang n Kopi to buy new yr clothes as the GST is gonna rise next yr.. So I did the shopping before it rises.. Glad to make a new friend (kopi) too.. Haha.. After we bought our clothes we went to play pool.. Woots!! I've learnt how to play pool liao.. Hahaha.. It was fun.. Although I suck at it but I think its good to try something I've not tried before.. Played pool for 3 hrs den after tat went to buger king to haf our dinner before going home..

Was damn tired becoz I didnt slp for 27 hrs.. Ton overnite wif Liang.. LOL!! Which means I didnt get to slp at all after a 4km jog n 3 hrs soccer training.. Omg!! Straight away went to slp after i reached home from Bugis.. LOL!! Nth to write le.. Bye =) .. Wish everybody a happy new yr.. LOL!!

Signing off
Raymond (Exhausted)

Think Think n Think

2006-12-22T02:37:00.000+08:00

Think Think n Think

Friday 22 December 2006

Its alrdy the 2nd week of holiday n I've realised tat I've wasted this holiday.. Did nth meaningful at all.. Now its time to do something meaningful.. Wad I can do now in the middle of the nite is to reflect on wad haf I done well or wrong in yr 2006 as the year is coming to an end.. Sounds stupid but at least its meaningful.. Better than wasting my time playing games..

After much thinking, I think tat my attitude tat I displayed in sch so far was quite amazing.. I've nv been so hardworking when it comes to studies before.. 2006 is an exception.. Mayb I like the learning style tat RP adopt.. But sometimes I really put too much pressure on myself.. Muz learn to loosen up sometimes..

As for friendship.. From wad I see, I haf onli 1 true friend tat I can really trust.. I think u noe who u r.. Thanks for everything, ur advice,consolation (when im down) n encouragement.. Love u!! But to know tat I onli haf so few friends tat I can really trust is painful.. I realised tat I'm such a pathetic n unpopular guy.. There r some pple who come n look for mi onli when they need my help or want my company to play games with them.. Other than tat, they'll ignore mi n put mi aside.. Haiz.. Cruel fact tat makes mi wonder who r the ones tat I can trust.. Sometimes I really feel tat I've been made used of by pple but I dun mind.. I love helping pple.. =)

The biggest regret n mistake tat I've made this yr was being a coward.. Not daring enuff to express my feelings for someone special in my eyes.. Tried means not to let her noe abt my feelings for her or to make it less obvious.. Now tat I noe tat I stand absolutely no chance, I could onli hope tat she would be n stay happy forever n to hope tat the "special" feeling will disappear soon.. Nth much I can do now.. Sad.. Another lonely Xmas.. Haiz.. Wad to do?? Stay at home n cry on such a romantic nite?? =(

The best thing I've done this yr is I'm starting to open up n be more sociable.. I used to be someone who dun smile at all n veri quiet.. Tat has changed for the better i guess.. At least I dun scare pple off wif my emotionless face n weird attitude anymore.. Can improve by being more humourous n sociable..

Okie enuff liao.. Haha.. Another Crap post.. Like to type alot.. Haha.. Tats y decided to write all my thoughts down.. Lonely Xmas coming soon.. Haiz.. Dun wanna think so much, time to slp.. Zzzz

Signing off
Raymond (Emo)

Damn Weather

2006-12-14T15:38:00.000+08:00

Damn Weather

Thursday 14 December 2006

Ytd's class BBQ was spoilt by the damn weather.. -.-.. In the morning n early afternoon it was damn freakin hot.. Went to Din's hse to help carry the food over to East coast.. So many bags of food, luckily we have juz enuff hands to carry everything all the way there.. Took a cab down, freakin $18.. Zzzz.. But nvm la.. It was shared among 4 pple.. So I onli got to pay $4.50.. Not too bad..

When we reached there, we saw Chye n HanGuang alrdy sitting down on the stone chairs.. LOL.. They cycled all the way to East coast.. Madness.. Haha.. I reached there too early.. Got to wait for more than 1 hr before all the rest came.. Juz when Din successfully started the fire, it was drizzling.. Luckily it didnt rain heavily till 7pm.. We got the chance to cook n eat some food before seeking for shelter at the pavilion..

We were stranded there doing nth for like 1 hr.. At abt 8pm rain stopped, we went back to the pit to BBQ the food again.. 20mins later, it rained again.. Zzzz.. Screwed up BBQ.. The rain stopped after awhile.. Went back to try n finish cooking all the food we have before the rain come again.. Luckily after it didnt rain anymore.. I had a great time ytd but it could haf been better if not becoz of the rain.. Went home at abt 10pm, free transport home =X.. Mikhael's Dad sent mi home wif his big car..

Signing off
Raymond (Bored)

Weird Fact

2006-12-10T12:03:00.000+08:00

Weird Fact

Sunday 10 December 2006

I juz found out something veri weird n strange ytd.. Wilson made mi realise this fact which I find it veri strange.. Pple may appear to be veri close friends but actually they r not.. I dunno wad is this crap.. But juz find it very strange.. For example, Andrew n mi.. Pple in class tot tat we best buds, but they dunno tat we r juz good friends.. Not to the extent of sharing troubles n joy wif each other.. We appear to be veri close according to wad Mikhael always say my boyfriend -.-".. But we aren't as close as they think we r..

My DotA buddies n I seldom chat on msn.. Only when we want to play dota together online den we bother to chat wif each other.. Appears to be close friends but actually not as close as pple tot we r.. However, I noe for sure they r my true friends.. Dun wanna lose them, muz make the effort to create a strong bond between us..

[ Buddies Forever =) ]

So sad to find out tat, I onli haf 3 pple who r really veri close wif mi.. Liang n Yong I guess.. Onli they bother to share their troubles n joy wif mi.. And I'm oso comfortable to share my troubles n joy wif them.. They might not treat mi as their best friend but I do treat them as my good buddies/brothers..

[ Brothers Forever =) ]

No matter wad.. Muz treasure every single friend I have now.. Make the effort to be closer wif them.. So tat our friendship can last forever.. Sick of losing friends alrdy.. Lost so many good friends becoz of my childish thinking last time.. I've learnt from mistakes n hope tat I wont make the same mistakes again.. But emotions r hard to control.. When pple r angry nasty words come out from their mouths.. Tats when pple lose their friends which they might regret later on.. Hais.. Friendship r the most important thing in my life!! Tats all I guess..

Signing off
Raymond (Confused)

Lots Of Fun n Laughters

2006-12-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

Tough Match

Sunday 3 December 2006

Long time didnt play soccer alrdy.. Finally on this day, the weather is kind to us.. It didnt rain but the soccer field condition was bad.. At 1st when I went downstairs, I onli see Weelee n Yong.. The rest were late for training.. Had to wait for quite a long time before we get the satifactory numbers to proceed on wif our training..

At the start, it was damn boring.. Play monkey n some passing game.. So crappy.. Wasnt fun at all.. But den its good la.. Start off wif some passing coz we didnt play soccer for like almost a month.. At bout 11am, the big n strong army boys were there.. We challenged them to a match.. I didnt really play well, was onli concern abt attking them.. Didnt really wan to defend.. Lazy bahx.. Hahas.. Well, Its good to slack sometimes =x .. Sry my Lions.. Haha.. Hmm.. I played tat match to boost my confidence lvl.. I tried to dribble pass them n I succeeded in doing so a few times.. I oso cant believe it, I actually dare to challenge those strong men.. I created a few chances which wasnt good enuff to convert into goals.. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed myself n tats the most impt thing =)

After training, woah was damn tired lo.. But gotta go BP plaza to change the color of May's watch.. The watch was a birthday gift i gave to her on her bday.. Hahas.. After nearly 1 week den go n change the colour.. Idiot mi, went to buy a identical yellow watch tat she alrdy has.. She couldnt decide on which colour to change to den wanted mi to bring her to the shop where i bought the watch.. Haha.. So damn funny lo.. She actually tossed coin in front of the shop assistant to let god choose which colour should she choose.. Omg!! Hahas.. Den after tat, when the shop assistant was abt to put it nicely into a box.. May changed her mind again.. She decided to change to the blue one.. Wahaha.. Really weird n funny.. Interesting.. Could u believe it, it was the 1st time i go out individually wif someone of the opposite gender.. So pathetic eh??
Hahas..

After tat went to Liang's hse to meet him.. Haha.. He wanted to go out n eat so I accompany him lo.. Hahas when i reached his hse.. I saw his frenz n Mazel at his hse playing Need for speed.. Liang's nephew,Kai Kai, was sitting on Liang's lap too.. Woah, I'm really convinced tat kai kai is damn clever.. Omg.. A 3 yr old kid can name some cars which I dun even noe of!!! Shame on mi.. Crap!!

Haha.. Nth else liao.. Ciao.. Off to play Cs!! Hahaha!!

Signing off
Raymond (Ashamed of myself XD)

Lots Of Fun n Laughters

Saturday 2 December 2006

Woo!! Hahas.. Forgot to blog abt my fun fun day which is last saturday.. Intended to go Bugis wif Liang n Yong de.. Haha.. But we had change in plan, decided to go town instead of Bugis.. Coz Liang fren told us that Bugis was packed wif pple.. Hmm n den somehow from Liang,Yong n Mi 3 person.. In the end we got a whole big gang of 6 went to town tgt.. Hahas.. The other 3 r Liang's frenz..

Omg.. Liang's fren r damn funny bunch of pple.. Couldnt stop laughing at wad they were saying.. Loads of crap to entertain a easily amused person like mi.. Hahas.. "U think my father Yusof Ishak ah??" n "Pudge!! Fresh Meat!!"... LOL.. Was damn funny lo.. Firstly when we reached town, we went to KFC to eat our lunch den after tat went window shopping at Fareast.. Wahaha!! Then we went Cineleisure to play billard or pool.. Hahas.. Dunno how to play either so didnt get to play.. Onli watch lo..

After we came out from there, the sky was alrdy dark.. Fun n happy times pass so quickly.. Haha.. I rarely had the chance to flash my 18 yr old identity card.. Was given a chance to do so by buying a pack of cigarettes for SayWee.. Stupid shop assistant look down on mi.. Hais.. Do i really look like a small kid?? *sob*.. Before we went home we went for dinner den played 1 hr of CS at Cine.. Was really a damn fun day for mi.. Hehe!! Has been a long time since I last laugh n smile so much.. Really really enjoyed myself.. Thanks Guys!!

Signing off
Raymond (Tired n Happy)

Feeling Better n Excited

2006-12-02T02:00:00.000+08:00

Feeling Better n Excited

Friday 1 December 2006

Woots.. 2006 is coming to an end soon. 1 more month to 2007.. Hahas.. So far 2006 has been a veri fun yr for mi.. Experienced n tried lots of fun stuff which I've not tried before.. I'm a moutain tortise la.. Bo Bian.. Since young seldom go out, always trapped in bukit panjang area.. Of coz sua ku (mountain tortise) la.. LOL.. Lots of 1st time for mi also.. 1st time go chalet, it was damn fun~~!! Haha!! And lots of great great stuff.. I've lost count of it.. Really too much la.. The most unforgettable one was the chalet.. Hahas!!

Hmm.. Long time nv go out wif friends alrdy.. Have been rotting at home during weekends ever since semester 2 start.. Hais.. Tmr finally can go to bugis wif Liang n Yong!! =D.. Haha.. Am really damn excited.. Hope to go out wif friends more often.. I hate rotting at home every weekends.. Its veri boring.. Everyday play computer games until sian alrdy.. Crap!! Long time nv play soccer oso.. Hais.. Wtf.. Freakin weather is pissing mi off always.. I wonder is it becoz god is against us.. Tats y whenever we want to play soccer, it will rain.. Grrr!!

Haha.. I think I broke out of depression state alrdy.. Becoz of juz a veri small n minor thing.. Met her n tok to her again after 62 days no see.. Tat was great.. A simple Hello n a sweet smile which was juz a matter of seconds made my day so wonderful.. So happy to see her doing well n still cheerful like she used to be.. It doesnt matter anymore, I juz think tat as long as shes happy, I'll be happy too.. Dun wanna think so much liao =D.. Hehe.. Really dun wish see her unhappy.. So take care n all the best in wadever she do =)

Lols.. Toking to myself?? Dunno lahx.. Sounds stupid.. But ok la.. This is my blog, i write wadever I like as long as my blog doesnt contain any racist comments n disallowed stuff.. Crapping is allowed.. XD.. Okie nth much to write.. Hahas.. Hope tat I will enjoy myself tmr!! Always Smile =)

Signing off
Raymond (Smiling Again)

Losing Control

2006-11-25T17:10:00.000+08:00

Losing Control

Saturday 25 November 2006

School vacation is coming soon.. Alrdy week 9!! Dec 6 is not far away.. Wad am I gonna do over the holidays?? No idea.. Initial plan was to work in a catering company wif Liang.. But den no more liao.. He quitted the job alrdy, according to him the company sux.. Dun really know why.. I think i gonna stone at home during the holiday.. I dun really need to work.. I got nth tat I wish to buy.. The $500 which I've earned during the August holiday still untouched.. Thought of buying a new handphone but for wad?? Dun really use my hp tat much.. Waste money..

The good thing is tat I've been doing well in my studies recently.. Didnt get any C for the month November.. Cool Yeah!! Am quite satisfied wif my UT grades too.. But i think science UT 2 really gone case.. Zzzz.. Damn difficult.. Dun noe how to answer 3/4 of the question.. Gonna get F liao.. Haiz.. Nvm still got UT 3 n 4.. GoGoGo!!

The bad bad thing is tat I dunno wad I wan anymore.. I'm confused n struggling.. I dunno wad I'm thinking.. Hate this crappy feeling.. I'm trying veri hard to hold back my tears.. I wan to be strong but y is it so difficult to achieve?? Shame on me.. Always write n say things to decieve myself n console myself.. So stupid.. Y is it so difficult to forget?? Rather lose all my memories even the happy ones than taking all these mental torture..

Haiz.. Muz be brave!! Muz overcome this rough patch of my life.. Dun lose hope in Life.. Life is colourful.. There r great things waiting for me to unlock it as I grow older.. Hahas.. Again writing things to console myself.. But its true n it makes me feel better.. So why not?? Enuff of writing.. Ciaoz

Signing off
Raymond (Cheer Up!)

Boring

2006-11-19T10:45:00.001+08:00

Boring Life

Sunday 19 November 2006

Haiz.. Life is always boring for me.. Always stay at home do nth.. Even on weekends.. Stone in front of my lappy.. Always play games.. Wah.. Madness.. Really has nth better to do liao.. Soccer training cancelled today due to exams.. Sianzation.. Stay at home play cs n dota again lo.. Really damn sick of my boring life.. Pple jio me out lehx!! Damn SiaN!! XD

Haha.. Recently I think i really play too much games.. Improved quite a bit in DotA n CS.. Hahaha.. Practice makes perfect?? Haha.. Play too much alrdy.. Improvement is inevitable.. Now DotA wont always kena owned in Bnet liao.. CS oso got major improvement.. All thx to my bro, Liang!! My shifu cum Clan leader.. Haha.. Train me like siao.. Played abt an average of 50 rounds per day.. Pro hor?? LOL!! Now I can maintain my death at single digit ..

Personal Best:Kill 105 - Death 7.. Against bot la.. Me vs 5 Bots..Not human players.. But soon i would be able to fight wif those fags at public server.. Hehe.. Aiya Sianz la.. Dun wanna write abt games anymore.. Sick of games.. LOL

Ytd was quite a boring day for me.. Its a saturday.. No soccer match.. Sianz lorr.. Stone at home.. Wanted to go sentosa wif my classmates but den I would feel veri weird.. Not really close wif them.. Go there like veri extra.. Keep quiet.. Veri awkward.. Haha.. Dun think anyone other than mi will understand the feeling.. As usual, stay a home play games..

Den at nite, went to bukit timah wif Liang n his frenz, Mazel to haf our dinner.. Haha.. Tat Mazel is a damn funny guy.. Haha.. Nice to noe him.. Although hes too naggy but he has brought me lots of laughter for 2 hrs.. Haha.. The dinner at bukit timah was damn expensive.. Haha.. The food was damn nice.. But den quantity wise.. Too pathetic.. Fried dough stick 6 pieces for $4.. Tats damn pathetic.. Its damn nice.. I swear, next time when im rich, i will go back there n eat till my stomach burst.. Haha..

Tats all bahx.. Hahas.. Oh ya juz created my soccer team's blog ytd.. Feel free to visit my team's blog.. Hehe.. http://homeofthelions.blogspot.com/

Signing off
Raymond (Bored)

Deep In Thoughts

2006-11-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

Deep In Thoughts

Monday 13 November 2006

Hmm.. Quite long nv blog le.. Haha.. Am here to clear away the dust from my blog.. Life is still as boring as ever.. More of like daily routine.. Haiz.. Do the same old things every single day.. Weekends, no where to go stay at home do nth.. Waste my youth.. Damn Sianz.. Nth interesting happened to mi..

Recently, every single day play games at home.. Even during weekends, whole damn day sit in front of my lappy playing games.. Hardcore gaming?? Not quite.. Play games to kill time.. Coz theres really nth else for me to do other than play games.. Sick of those games too.. Sick of getting owned in dota.. Sick of getting killed by bots in CS.. Haiz.. No more games to play.. Wad can I do?? Nth..

My kitchen's toilet got renovated and after renovation, I have to clean up tat damn toilet.. Full of sand and dust.. Fucked up.. And now they are renovating the master bed room's toilet.. After its done, haf to work really hard to clean the whole toilet again.. Idiotic neighbour complained to HDB.. Which forced us to renovate it.. Grrr!!

I've decided to change my thinking.. I've decided to haf more faith in myself.. Be more confident of myself.. I dun wan to be a weakling for the rest of my life.. I wan to succeed in life.. Gotta be brave n overcome all the obstacles in life.. Life is full of ups n downs.. However, it seemed that downs r alot more as compared to the ups in my life.. Haiz..

Nvm.. It's ok.. Gotta be brave n muz nv say die.. Nv give up attitude!! I muz learn to be strong.. I'm 18 alrdy.. An young adult.. Muz be independent liaoz.. Lastly.. I muz not forget this, "Always Smile!!"

Signing off
Raymond (Courage)

Ending Another Chapter Of My Life

2006-11-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

Ending Another Chapter

Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Hais.. I think I haf to end another chapter of my life le and continue by writing a new chapter of my life.. Depressed.. I got to end this "My Memories Of You" chapter of my life alrdy.. Yea.. Memories r meant to be kept.. But this "My Memories Of You" was written wif some hope in it.. Hope of being together wif the "fairy".. But I haf alrdy lost all hopes alrdy..

After an incident or perheps it might be a misunderstanding.. I lost all my hopes alrdy.. Tat incident really waked up my senses.. Asking me to give up n stop thinking of it.. 100% no chance.. I really really hate tat cruel truth but den wad can i do?? I dunno..

Ray didnt see and talk to her "fairy" for 31 days.. 31 days later, he met his "fairy" once again.. However the "fairy" juz walk off treating Ray like a stranger.. So cold.. Its juz so scary n cruel.. This tells Ray to really wake up n think.. Do I still haf a chance?? The answer is HELL NO.. It takes both hands to clap.. How can i clap wif 1 hand?? So this kinda thing cant force one la.. Juz let nature take it course.. Hais

Yea.. Hell no.. Lost all hopes.. It might be a misunderstanding.. But I dun wanna clear it.. That gives me the reason to give up totally.. If i managed to clear it, I would get false hopes again.. Therefore I dun think I wan to clear it.. See how it goes lorr.. But most probably not gonna do anything abt it..

Hais.. Currently I alrdy started a new chapter of my life.. I name this new chapter "Forget The Fairy".. Hope tat my life would change for the better soon.. No more heart breaks pls.. Had enuff of it.. 2 times alrdy.. It has alrdy done enuff damage to my confidence level.. I dun wan it to ever happen again.. Hmm.. I wonder how long it will take for mi to forget this "special" feeling?? Another 4 years?? Hais... Saded..

8 June 2006 (Start) --- 30 October 2006 (Game Over).. Hope tat its really game over.. God.. Pls dun give me anymore false hope.. Hais.. Sigh.. -.- .. But I'll nv forget this person coz tat person alrdy left footprints in my heart.. Would keep these memories forever in my heart..

Signing off
Raymond (Forget The Fairy)

Last Day Of Work

2006-10-29T01:48:00.000+08:00

I'm Free Again

Saturday , 28 October 2006

Woo.. Lol.. I'm free again.. Today is my last day of work.. Hehe.. Finally can put aside this big rock in my heart.. It was a tiring day for me today.. Woah.. Alot of cars!! My god.. All the 10 pumps were occupied with cars and there were still cars waiting outside.. Madness.. Didn't get to rest at all.. Luckily I'm not alone at tat time.. There was 1 other collegue wif me at tat time..

This morning from 7am - 11 am.. I was alone there.. Nobody was there to help me.. There were also many cars too.. 6 cars come at once.. Damn tiring.. Haf to run from 1 end to the other.. Hmm.. But den I feel tat I'm becoming more n more efficient now.. I can serve 6 cars at once now.. Last time, the most was 3.. Doubled.. Lol!! But, improve for wad?? I'm not gonna pump petrol anymore.. Haha.. I'm gonna go back there 1 more time to return the uniform.. Haha..

Man Utd won Bolton 4-0.. LOL.. Swee~!! Rooney is back to his very best!! Scored 3 goals.. Hat trick hero.. Woooo.. Ronaldo also found the net.. 4-0 is a very good result.. Happy for Rooney n for Man Utd.. Man Utd Rocks!! Hope tat they can win the league title this season.. =)

Signing off
Raymond (My Memories Of You)

Busy Holiday

2006-10-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

Busy Holiday

Saturday 21 October 2006

Today is Deepavali.. When everyone was at home sleeping, I was busy pumping petrol at Eng Neo.. It has been a long time since I last worked.. 1 month I think.. Working at a public holiday really sucks.. There were so many cars.. Haiz.. Damn busy.. Perspired lots.. Was damn tired after 8 hrs of running.. Mayb I didnt work for a long time alrdy.. Not used to it alrdy..

I wasn't in good mood recently.. Dunno Y.. Mayb coz many unlucky things happened to me.. The whole bloody day, I haf to smile.. Fake smile.. Forced myself to smile.. Haiz.. It has been a long time since I last smile n laugh wif my heart.. Wad happened to me?? Not veri sure..

I guess I'm a bit depressed?? After 5 weeks in my new class.. I'm beginning to get used to working wif my new classmates.. They r a bunch of fun n friendly pple, always so cheerful.. How I wish I can be like them.. Always smile n laugh..

My DotA is not DotA gang anymore.. We seldom play DotA now.. Some of them went their own separate ways now.. Unlike last time.. When we walk around the skool in a big gang of 6 or 7.. Now onli left Sen,Ram n Me.. The "big brother" of the gang is always missing.. Recently Aug started to come to sch.. Haha.. Really dunno wth he wan.. Quitting RP or not?? If hes not quitting RP den I think he had wasted 1 semester juz like tat..

Haiz.. Nvm la.. Tats life.. Pple make new friends n stuff.. All good things haf to come to an end.. Even though tat sucks, I'll juz haf to accept it.. I'm sick n tired of life now.. Dun haf the mood to do anything.. Playing soccer tmr, I can vent my fustrations n anger on the ball lo.. Haha.. Hope tat I wont hurt anyone tmr.. Wish tat my life will change for the better soon.. Haiz.. =(

Signing Off
Raymond (My Memories Of you)

Rotten Luck.. Cursed October

2006-10-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

Rotten Luck.. Cursed October

Saturday, 18 October 2006

Damn it.. October 2006 really sucks.. Fuckin Sway!! So many unlucky things happened to me.. Pple around me oso suffer.. WTH.. Haiz.. Y r u doing this to me?? God?? Did I kill anybody last life?? I dun haf any religion, who is my god?? I really dunno.. Stress sia..

There r juz too many unlucky things that happened to me this month.. I lost count of it.. Could write down some significants ones which I can remember.. To vent out my fustration n anger.. Grrr!!

I really wonder y my laptop hates me so much?? My laptop is inviting all the virus to attk it, making my life very difficult.. Ravmone, pop up virus n corrupted hard drive.. After 1 week I sent it to acer servicing centre n skool IT helpdesk.. Now the virus came back again.. I suspect the hard drive is also corrupted again.. Those scary symptoms.. Haiz.. I juz changed to a new hard drive.. Dun tell me its corrupted again??

And yea.. I got my 1st C of Sem 2.. I dun think i deserve that C lo.. I think.. I've done quite alot of work.. Some slackers got a better grade then me?? Is tat fair?? Haiz.. Wth.. Then i accidentally deleted my blog.. Tats y u see this empty blog here.. I was testing out a new blogskin.. I created a test blog on this same account.. I wanted to delete my test blog.. But instead n somehow, i deleted my main blog.. Damn sad la.. There goes my memories, from June to Sep.. Which are the highlights of my life.. Re-writing it wont be the same again.. For example, splitting up of my ex-class.. Now i dun feel the same as that time when it juz happened.. I was so damn sad at tat time.. Now the sadness like somehow subsided..

Pple around me suffer too.. The evil n unlucky aura surrounding me is juz too strong izzit?? Infectious?? Pple around me oso damn unlucky.. My bro injured his hand while playing soccer.. Liang's maple account which I'm sharing wif him kena hack.. All the impt item missing.. My dad got involved in an car accident.. Have to compensate $1k.. Luckily hes fine, no physical harm.. Becoz of me, it caused other pple to suffer as well?? I really haf no idea..

Life really sux like this.. I juz hope tat this dark period of life will go away soon.. Hope tat life will become back to normal again.. Hope tat all the fortunate n happy things will come soon.. Really sick n tired of all these nonsense.. Could anyone tell me, wad can I do?? I'm really on the verge of mental breakdown.. I'm so depressed.. I thought of dying n feel like ending my life.. How?? Any useful advice or can someone counsel me?? Tat special person's 1 word can be more powerful den other people's 1000 words.. It can gimme courage to face all these..

Now Im thinking of something.. Which is very stupid.. Y shld i care for pple who doesnt care for me?? Selfish thinking eh?? But i really wonder y shld i care for so much for pple who dun care for me at all?? I noe this sounds selfish.. But.. Who can understand?? Sometimes it doesnt pay to be a good guy.. I show conceren for pple, pple juz simply ignore it.. Nvm.. Dun tok abt this bullshit.. Doesnt make sense at all.. Its juz selfish..

Hmm.. Nth much to write le.. Juz damn sway (unlucky).. Hope tat this dark n unlucky period of my life will end soon.. I welcome the fortunate n happy times to come.. =)

Signing Off
Raymond(My Memories Of You)